a dry spell and then *poof* - big magic.

Hello friends!

It seems like every time I sit to blog lately,

I have so much to say

and I fear forgetting half of it along the way. 

First of all, let me say

it's been a heavy week.

The little painting above

is the first painting I've done in weeks

and I'm not sure you can call it a painting.

Maybe a few lines on a page

would be more appropriate. :)

Dad had surgery last week

and there were a few minor issues after the surgery,

so consequent visits to the hospital.

He is now recuperating at home

and doing better every day,

but until he was back on his feet,

I felt a little unsettled myself.

A quick pen sketch of a sick man at the hospital...

So this past Monday, 

as my son and I rushed out the door

I misjudged the steps in the garage,

fell, and sprained my foot!

I spent a few days on crutches,

a day wobbling around,

and I'm now down to a limp. :)

During these down times

of making little (or no) art,

I tend to write more.

And of course, I read a lot.

I'm usually the one trailing behind

when it comes to reading the hot books

or seeing the hot movies.

I saw the Titanic movie about

a year after it was a hit.

I just recently watched Avatar.

But a few weeks ago,
I went to the bookstore and picked this up.
I was almost happy to be off my feet
for a few days,
just so I could curl up with this one.

I love so much of what she writes in here,
I basically wanted to underline the whole thing.
For anyone who is living a creative life,
this book is such a gift.
I love what she says here
about passion...

So many of us are bombarded
with messages of following our bliss...
of finding our passion
of doing what we love.
I'm all for doing what you love,
but sometimes, it just doesn't pay the bills
and you gotta do something shitty for a while
and on the side - do what you love!
On the side, write the novel.
On the side, play the guitar.
On the side, take acting classes.
It's those side things you do
that make life grand.
If you're lucky enough
to be able to make a living at what you love,
good for you!
But if you've yet to make a decent living at it,
DO IT ANYWAY.
Chances are good it makes you happy, right?
So already, it's worth it.
Whether or not my art (or writing)
provides a steady income for me
(and no, it doesn't)...
I'm still gonna do it because I love it.
I would still do it
if I knew I would never get a penny.
She talks about the differences
between passion and curiosity
and how we should ask ourselves this question:
What is interesting to me?

Don't you love that last paragraph?
AND THAT SHOULD BE MORE THAN ENOUGH
FOR ANYONE TO SAY
THAT THEY LIVED A RICH
AND SPLENDID LIFE.
I love it.
So reading this book during the past few days
got me fired up again
about all sorts of things.
One of those things was painting.

 Acrylic on paper.

When I first painted the black circles,
I was thinking of apples in a tree.
(it's apple harvesting time here)...

But they quickly became faces
without me having much time to think about it.

I took this picture this morning, by the window.
More accurate colours.
I like it. It makes me happy
although there's a kind of sadness to it too...

I also did some sketching

for the colouring book cover design!

This is such a fun project.

I'm as excited as everyone to see it printed. :)

It's such a joy to collaborate

with like minded people.

Not yet done, but getting there... 

Yes, this is still how excited I feel.

I stumbled upon this Canadian artist on-line this week...

Mandy Budan. 

What a lesson in patience.

Jaw dropping work.

I thought this smoke was pretty

after I put out the candle.

Maybe it'll become a painting soon?

And i finally - finally

finished this painting of mom.

I'm not totally happy with it

but I have to let it go.

I had given myself Aug 15th as a deadline

and here we are - 2 months later.

Maybe I just liked her hanging out here with me -

her reassuring smile cheering me on - as always.

She may stay here for a while still. :)

Happy weekend everyone!

xx

to be chosen, or not to be chosen...

hello everyone...

I've been writing more than making art these days.

Yup. 

Almost a year already since mom's been gone.

I'm still going through her things, slowly.

Found this little glass flower in a box.

June.

The month of my birth.

I'm guessing mom wanted to give this to me.

Most of the things i find

make me smile

but the occasional find

makes me sad

that she is no longer here.

Sad that she suffered.

Sad that she still wanted to do

so much.

Without wanting to offend anyone,

it makes me cringe

whenever i hear someone say

"prayer works".

It didn't work for mom.

It didn't work for my friend Liz

who died at 50,

leaving two young & sad boys behind.

It doesn't work

for many of you out there,

who are suffering, one way or another.

Who are living difficult lives.

It just makes me sad

when we say these things

because it implies that prayer works for some

and not for others

and so it must mean

that the others didn't pray enough,

or to the right god,

or that god picks & chooses who he listens to.

Either way,

it's all nonsense to me.

To believe this divides us more than unites us.

Life is a cycle.

Good things happen

and bad things happen

regardless of how much

or how little you pray.

The strength you need

when darker days fall upon you

comes from LOVE

more than prayer.

Anyone who has seen the stars in the sky,

the sunset and the sunrise,

understands how sacred life is

and how this is all the prayer

one really needs.

xox

lessons in life and death

I was alone with my mother when she died.

It was by far the saddest moment of my life

and at the same time

the most profound and meaningful.

In one moment,

there was life

and in another

none.

I remember looking outside

only moments later

and wondering why everything

still looked the same

when they felt so different inside.

The sun was shining,

the leaves in the trees

were blowing in the wind...

life was happening

outside this quiet room.

A feeling i had had

only once before in my life.

At the birth of my now teenage son.

Life and death…

one overwhelmed me with total bliss

and the other with deep sadness.

life experiences that make us

and break us.

That teach us 

about vulnerability

and strength

and compassion

and pain

and forgiveness,

by giving us everything

and taking everything away.

By showing us

what it is to love.

"Yeah we all shine on,

like the moon,

and the stars,

and the sun."

- John Lennon

When all else fails, get yourself a happy file. Boom.

hello friends.

I think i need to clear the air

for fear that i may have misled some of you

into thinking that my life is perfect.

Newsflash: it's not.

I am like most of you,
where i have good days and bad days,
and most of my bad days lately
stem from seeing others suffer (especially my mom...)

I've felt less inspired to create lately,
so naturally, i have less to share on this blog.

I've lacked energy and focus
and yet
i feel like i am exactly where i need to be,
doing exactly what i need to be doing at this time.

Being there for mom.

I'm still trying to make sense of illness and death
I'm a slow learner... ;-)

But I do know this:
that it is a natural process,
and one we too often try to avoid at all costs.

So i look to the stars every now and then
to remind myself that i don't know everything,
that i don't need to know all the answers,
and the twinkling skies always bring me solace.

So tonight, to lighten the mood,
i dug up my happy file.



I'm not the only person that has a happy file, am I? 

Old photographs from a dear friend

who was a fabulous photographer... (yes, she took these)

Sadly, she passed away almost 2 years ago at the age of 50.

I know, you're probably thinking,

why the hell is this in her happy file?

Because of the memories, baby.

We went on many photo excursions

and we laughed till we peed our pants.

Yeah, i know. Inconvenient truth. ;-)

So whenever i see these,

i don't think of the loss of Liz,

i think of the fun we had while we were together.

Her self portrait... 

And then i found this, and it fucking cracked me up...

A letter written to me by my son when he was about 3 or 4 years old.

He wanted to write, just like his mom. :-)

Crossed rifles and revolvers.

I know, SO far off from who i am today.

I trained in my younger years as a security guard

and worked for a while in the penitentiary here in Canada

and while training, i just happened to discover a hidden talent.

Shooting.

At targets, not people. :-) 

Check it out. Weapons. 97.8%

And today, i can't kill a fly.
Or maybe i don't want to now. :-)

How is this ever NOT funny?!

And the most precious...

a dinosaur drawing from my son

when he was obviously quite young. 

I love the eye... and that small tail.

It cracks me up every time.

So there you have it.

Not much art from me tonight,

but part of my happy file.

I'll bet you're feeling pretty privileged right about now. ;-)

Thanks for giving me some space

in your busy lives.

I am very grateful to all of you.

xox

art heals - and so does Neil Young

hi everyone.

I thought i'd get a chance to catch up on all your blogs this past weekend

but alas... life had other plans.

I look forward to connecting with all of you again soon...

Any bit of spare time i have these days is shared between

visiting mom in the hospital,

checking up on dad,

being a mother,

working,

making meals,

painting,

reading,

writing,

walking,

and seeking sanity on a daily basis. ;-)

Hence, the sheet music painting tonight.

sheet music painting = sanity.

I hadn't done any in a while... and it's oh so meditative for me.

It just takes me to another place where time stands still.

I put on some music,

and within minutes,

i'm flying, far far away.

No, there are no drugs involved. (giggle)

I love the last part of a painting,
where the blacks and the whites are added.
It's where the painting comes alive, don't you think?

I'm guessing i'm not the only one who loves this part of a painting.

And even if once the painting is done,
i look at it for a few minutes,
and realize that the eyes are crooked,
and the nose is wrong,
and the mouth doesn't look quite like Neil's mouth...

I'm still smiling
cause it just felt so damn good to paint SOMETHING.

It's been hard for me to concentrate on art lately,
for obvious reasons.

My head knows that it's good to do something that i love,
but my heart has a hard time getting started sometimes.

Once i get myself started, it's all good.
But sometimes these days, sitting in the blue room is a bit of a challenge.

Art helps me feel grounded
so whenever i go a while without it,
i literally feel out of whack.

But still, i do something that many of us don't do often enough.

I go easy on myself.

I cut myself some slack.

I remind myself that the paints will be there tomorrow,

if i feel like painting,

or the day after,

or the day after that...

Tonight was one of those "day after's".

When i sat in the blue room, i felt like being there.
I knew it would be a good painting session before i even began.

Some things, you just know.

I have so much more to say to all of you,
about so many things,
but it'll have to be for a later time.

It's getting late and i'm running on empty already.

I'll leave you with one of my favourite Neil Young songs...
and i wish you all star filled skies this week.
xox