Speed Stick and poetry for mom...

may came home with a smooth round stone

as small as a world and as large as alone.

- e.e. cummings 

Things have been a little cookoo here lately.

My husband works away and in the past week,

came home and left again

for another little while.

Several days ago, my son left for a trip to Mexico

- a dream vacation for any teenager -

and March came and went, it seems

with the blink of an eye.

I feel out of sorts when creative routines are disrupted

and yet...

i sometimes need the break,

away from the computer

away from the art room.

(did she really SAY that?!)

Yes. She did. ;-)

So i walked

and read

and worked

and listened to good music

and had coffee with friends

and pondered life...

i sketched a bit,

but nothing much

and a few days ago,

i found this gem of a book

at the used book store

It is a rather fine line
between genius and creativity sometimes...

I also wrote a bit.

It's been over four months
since the loss of my mother
and it sometimes feels
like it was just yesterday.

Here's what i wrote
after one of my morning walks...

i hate remembering

mom being so sick

as we drove home from her chemo treatments

she with the car seat pulled back

resting quietly,

eyes closed and

hand on her heart...

i love that i was there with her

holding her hand

in the end

i hate how her diagnosis

led her to self doubt

and questions

and blame for what she

should have done

and didn't do.

i love that we got to spend

two extra years together

after she had been told

she only had a few months to live.

i hate that cancer robbed her

of her body

of her hair

of her strength

of her energy

of her appetite.

i love that it never robbed her

of her will to live

nor did it ever take away

the sparkle in her eyes.

i hate that her life was cut short

when she still had

so much life left in her.

i love that i had her for this long

when so many people out there

lose their mothers when they are children.

i hate that her leaving

forced my father to fend for himself

to make his meals

to clean the house

to be alone

to mourn the loss

and that it left an emptiness

in the house and in our hearts

that can never be filled again.

i love that i had her for a mother

and that the lessons she taught me

are now being passed on

to my own son

with deep love

and a tinge of sadness…

mom with Fluffy...

xox

lessons in life and death

I was alone with my mother when she died.

It was by far the saddest moment of my life

and at the same time

the most profound and meaningful.

In one moment,

there was life

and in another

none.

I remember looking outside

only moments later

and wondering why everything

still looked the same

when they felt so different inside.

The sun was shining,

the leaves in the trees

were blowing in the wind...

life was happening

outside this quiet room.

A feeling i had had

only once before in my life.

At the birth of my now teenage son.

Life and death…

one overwhelmed me with total bliss

and the other with deep sadness.

life experiences that make us

and break us.

That teach us 

about vulnerability

and strength

and compassion

and pain

and forgiveness,

by giving us everything

and taking everything away.

By showing us

what it is to love.

"Yeah we all shine on,

like the moon,

and the stars,

and the sun."

- John Lennon

mini ghost, abstract flowers and hope

hello folks.

I'm linking this to Illustration Friday... 

word of the week: HAUNT. 

I used cardboard from the Halloween chip box.

Yay!! free cardboard!! ;-)

I had fun making this little guy...

i'm a big chicken when it comes to scary stuff,

so i'll stick with the fun ghosts, thank you very much.

And then a bit of acrylic painting on paper...

It always seems to come alive for me when i add the dots... ;-)

and the black and white...

this photo (above) was taken last night, in my room...

and this one was taken this morning, 
by the window, with natural light...

What a difference, huh?
Colors are so much closer to the real thing.

For those of you who have sent such kind messages of concern
about my mother - thank you.

She is still in the hospital but in good spirits.
It's been an adjustment for everyone, 
so we're taking things one day at a time.

Just like the alcoholics do.  ;-)

It's hard not to worry all the time,
but then i'd be digging my own grave
if i spent every waking hour obsessing about mom
and cancer
and illness
and death...

So rather than go against the tide of what is our current reality,
i remind myself that she is in good hands
and that she is exactly where she needs to be right now.

She is doing well, despite everything,
thanks to her remarkable outlook on life and death.
The first thing she said when i went in to her room the other day was:

"aren't the leaves in the trees beautiful?"

We could all learn something from such a grateful heart,
don't you think?

xox

a published book from a broken heart...

hi everyone.

(translation of book title: The stars at dawn)

I'll share some art later tonight, but for now,
I want to share this.

This book was written by a beautiful young woman of 17 years old.
The story of her father's battle with cancer -
one that he sadly lost three years ago,
when she was only 14, and her brother was 16.

More than anything, it's a story of courage and love.

Once in a while,
someone or something comes along and we are forever changed.

A separation

an illness

an accident

the death of a loved one.

Deep pain.

Deeper than many of us can imagine.

During such times, it's hard to make sense
of the world as it is.
It's hard to understand that life goes on...
with or without us.

It's also hard to believe
that through such anguish,
through such darkness,
eventually,
light finds a way in.

There is a Leonard Cohen song with these lyrics:

"there is a crack in everything,
that's how the light gets in".

Writing this book was Renée's crack.

This young woman made sense of her world
by writing about it,
by giving herself the space to grieve,
by giving her father a voice,
and honouring him in the most loving way,
with gentle, honest words on a page.

She is donating all the proceeds
to the cancer society,
to help find a cure.

And the reason i am sharing this story?

Because it is proof, once again,
that WORDS MATTER
and they also heal.

Sharing matters.

She chose writing
as a way to express her pain
and her story will not only change her,
but it will touch others.

It will inspire people to look at their own lives differently,
and be more grateful for what they have,
rather than what (or who) they don't have.

Stories like these
promote love
in a world often filled with hatred and loss.

This young lady is giving her father
the highest honour
and showing him the greatest love,
by spreading her wings
and showing him that she can fly.

We all have something to learn
from such stories of courage.

Wishing you all a day
filled with gratitude.
xox

wrinkles in perspective

hello friends!

I've been thinking about pressure lately,

and how we're often swayed one way or the other

to be something else

or have something more

or create something different than everyone else.

The world is filled with people

who always seem to have more than we have...

The bigger house,

the newer car,

the better opportunities,

the yearly vacations,

the fashionable clothes...

But it's all a matter of perspective, isn't it?

I am fortunate to have a caring, compassionate

and intelligent doctor. 

She practices during the day at her office,

she also treats patients at a nightly clinic sometimes,

she is occasionally on call at the hospital,

and she does work at the oncology center nearby.

More recently, she partnered with someone in medical aesthetics.

She also has a husband, and children.

Basically, she's a dedicated workaholic and/or an overachiever,

and probably a rich one. :-)

This morning, we were talking about perspective and gratitude,

and she mentioned seeing a patient who was 35 years old (or young!)

and desperate to get rid of her wrinkles.

On the same day, 

she worked at the oncology center

and saw another patient who is 37 and in chemotherapy

for breast cancer.

The woman has no hair,

one breast,

and 2 small children.

I doubt she's too concerned about her wrinkles...

For one woman, wrinkles are the focus,

and for the other - survival.

Being there for her children.

Staying in this world just a little longer...

This just tugged at my heart

and reminded me of how petty our problems often are.

How important it is to be grateful,

to not complain.

to think of others who have so much less than we do.

The new cars, the big houses

the trips around the world

mean nothing to someone with 2 months to live.

This day matters.

Make it worthwhile.

And on the subject of gratitude,

i am forever grateful to have you all here

on this little journey with me.

Who knows where we'll go?

Much love

xoxo

flower child...

Courage doesn’t always roar.

Sometimes courage is the quiet voice

at the end of the day saying,

“I will try again tomorrow”.

- Mary Anne Radmacher

Courage comes in all shapes and sizes,

doesn't it?

For some, getting out of bed in the morning

feels like an act of courage.

For others who face debilitating obstacles

 on a daily basis,

and who do so with a peaceful heart,

a strong determination

and without resentment -

courage is simply a way of being

in the world.

Their way of being.

Surely, they have dark days or moments,

but they choose to move ahead

and face the day as if it were their last.

I believe certain circumstances

give birth to courage.

My own mother has become

far more courageous 

through her journey with cancer.

We all know people who have faced

unsurmountable situations

and have surmounted them

with tremendous courage.

One of my favorite books is Viktor Frankl's

Man's search for meaning.

If you want to learn about courage,

read this book.

Sometimes, courage means

wearing flowers in your hair

when what you really want to do

is throw in the towel.

It's not about being in denial,

it's about choosing to create

 your own circumstances

whenever and however

you can.

I had fun doing this one last night...

Acrylic, collage, and oil pastels on paper.

I believe being an artist

takes courage.

Yes, I do. 

Sharing art takes courage.

Like being naked in front of a crowd.

Well, ok, some of us may be 

totally ok with this... ;-)

Go out and practice courage today.

Apply for that job.

Quit that job.

Tell someone how you really feel.

Take that walk.

Take that nap.

Express gratitude.

Move to the ocean.

Make a decision.

Volunteer.

Paint that masterpiece.

Wear flowers in your hair.

xoxo

obsolete world, Giving hARTS and funny book

i LOVE surprises in the mail.

Well, ok, this one wasn't a total surprise,

since i'm the one who bought it on ETSY a few weeks ago.

:-)

i love the work of Jeannie L. Paske,

from Obsolete World. 

I bought this cute little print a few weeks ago called

Flight of the recently departed.

Isn't it gorgeous?

Watercolor, charcoal, pastel and ink.

Some things just speak to us louder than others.

This was one of those things.

And she sent these other lovely things

along with the print.

So precious and kind of her...

On another note,

I did this one last night, 

to be donated to a charity for cancer.

Not quite done, but i thought i'd post anyway.

And on yet another note!

(just cause i don't want anyone to get bored here)...

this cute little drawing was given to me a while back,

by a little boy in the 3rd or 4th grade, 

when i was doing an art project with children

 in the local elementary schools.

So precious, isn't it?

I was so amazed 

at how little encouragement they needed

to get all excited about art,

and reach for the stars.

For many of them,

you just knew in your heart

that they heard more criticism at home

than praise.

I made sure to tell them every day

that they were all fabulous artists

and important to the world.

:-)

On the last day,

many of them gave me little drawings like this one,

and despite the misspelled name,

i love these little drawings

as much as the prints i buy on ETSY. :-)

ok, so let's end this one with a bang,

shall we?

I got this in the mail yesterday

from a great friend.

A cute little book with vintage photos and text

that had me laughing all morning.

Yeah, i think we should all have cocktails,

does everyone agree?

;-)