Another school shooting? Yes. Another.

We are all in the gutter,

but some of us are looking at the stars.

- Oscar Wilde

Over this past week, it's been difficult

to keep looking at the stars, hasn't it?

On Valentine's day,

17 children in the US (Parkland, Florida) were murdered. 

Gunned down by another young, crazed, angry, white man.

It makes me sick to my stomach.

An 18 year old in the US can buy an AR-15 assault rifle,

but he can't buy a beer.

Some teenagers started eating Tide Pods (don't ask me why!)

and now, Tide Pods in grocery stores are practically kept

under lock & key, so as to avoid another incident.

In most pharmacies, certain medication

is kept safely stored behind the counter.

The guns - oh, those are ok.

You can buy them at Walmart,

along with 1000 of rounds of ammunition.

Not a problem at all.

IT.

IS.

INSANE.

It breaks my heart to know that these children

went through such hell.

I have faith that many of these young ones

are going to channel their anger and fear

into something grand and powerful.

Lord knows the old, white, wealthy politicians

are too busy counting their money to care at all.

So over the past week or so,

I've been busy cleaning & organizing!

It's not something I do often, trust me -

but lately, I've felt the need to get rid of some stuff,

externally and internally. ;)

The photo above is "before"

and the photo below here is "after".

It may not look that clean to some,

but it's more than fine for me.

I bought this fabulous book last weekend.
An illustrated book on how we are all
connected to the universe.

Science and art, rolled into one.
Hardcover, and it was something like $18 (CAN).

I love the book.

Anything that encourages
learning and thinking
is a good thing.

Too many of us have lost the ability (or the desire?)
to spend any time thinking on things.
We keep ourselves so busy,
that we barely allow ourselves time
to think of what to make for supper.

And with cell phones now,
we are almost constantly distracted 
from our own thoughts.

Sometimes, when things get heavy out there,

or when things just don't make any sense to me -

it feels good to be reminded that we are ALL part

of a huge universe,

more connected than not,

and that even in nature, 

there is suffering.

So I didn't just clean my desk,

I cleaned the whole room,

and man, did it feel good once it was done.

And the best part?

I got rid of a LOT of books.

Like between 75 or 100.

That's huge for me.

I'm kind of a nerd when it comes 

to getting rid of books.

They just feel much more a "part of me"

than clothes or shoes or furniture. 

But I let them go with good intentions,

hoping that whoever reads them,

gets as much out of them as I did.

Besides, there's a time for everything, right?

Some of the books I purged had me thinking:

"why the hell did I want to read THIS?!?" :)

Ta Daaaaaa!

Both book shelves - done.

I like organizing my books by color,

but I haven't tackled that since the cleanup.

I'm visual so whenever I'm looking for a certain book,

I can always remember the color,

and I usually find it quickly.

Plus, it looks cool when it's color coded. ;)

So I did this (below) on the evening of Feb 14th...
I was (and am still) so angry about it all.

And I did this one (below) the day after...
still processing the anger and sadness.

Some people can talk about it for an hour,
and then they're fine.
They move on to something else.

Not me.

I need to sit with the stories
and the questions, 
and the words -
sometimes for days.
None of it makes any sense,
but I'm at least able
to turn the anger & sadness
into art that becomes somewhat healing for me.

I can only hope the families of those murdered
can find their own path
to healing somehow...

Thanks for being here!
I'll keep you posted here on my new website 
as soon as it's live!
Wishing you all a happy week!
xo

ocean waves of sorrow and joy

hello everyone!

I have so much to share,

i'm not sure where to begin...

Let's start with the fact that 

it's still summer here!

We broke a 100 year record yesterday for temperature.

I was 30C (86F).

Hot for us in September.

Normally, by this time of the year,

we're pulling out the thick sweaters

and looking for our socks.

But this year, we seem to be

about a month+ behind in the seasons.

It's a strange thing,

the reaction we have to weather.

September here usually brings with it

a burst of energy for me

and a cozy feeling of cocooning.

Kids are going back to school,

some to university,

moms are getting the house to themselves... ;)

new beginnings.

But this year feels different.

There's this churning of creativity inside me

but when I notice it's still summer out there,

I wanna be out walking or swimming or kayaking.

(and on a good day, I usually am)

Because I know what's coming.

W.I.N.T.E.R.

So I hate to admit it,

but I would welcome a rainy day.

And if the forecast is right,

we're getting one tomorrow. (Sunday)

There's a little story to this sunflower.

Earlier this year,

we decided to plant a few things.

(I don't have a green thumb).

So we planted a few flowers along the walkway...

but we didn't plant this sunflower!

Honest, we didn't.

When we noticed something growing,

we were curious to see what would pop up there.

At first, I thought it was just weed...

no, not the kind you smoke! ;)

but lo and behold - 

this beautiful sunflower pops up! 

The birds & the bees carried the seeds

exactly at the right spot. :)

So next year, I'm planting sunflowers.

This is Fluffy, my dad's dog,

and she loves to hide her treats in the carpet,

just in case someone is thinking

of taking them from her.

Cracks me up.

I did a quick little sketch of her

while she slept by my side on the grass.

This is part of my blue room...
I used to have my mac upstairs,
but finally brought it down here.
This room just feels right for writing.

I am sitting in the chair you see here right now...

I love this space...
You don't need a big, fancy shmancy studio
to make art.
It just has to feel right in your heart.
Some people use a shed,
the basement, the back porch,
a kitchen table,
Whatever works for you.

A few weeks ago,
we were awakened at 2am 
by the sound of helicopters just above our house.
By morning, we found out
they were looking for a missing man in the water.
A boating accident.
He and a friend were boating
when the boat capsized.
His friend searched for him in the water
for a half hour before making it to shore
to call 911.
They found the missing man days later - drowned,
only about 50 feet from the shore here.
42 years old.

Whenever something like this happens,
you always have the nitwits who want to give
their two cents worth about what happened.

"well, they had to be drinking!"

"who goes out boating after dark?"

"well, why weren't they wearing lifejackets?"

That's why it's called an ACCIDENT, you morons.
Cause it's not supposed to happen.
No one ever goes out on a boat thinking:

"I know! We'll put ourselves in danger
and then we'll drown!! It'll be fun!"

It angers me how quickly we are to judge
when something like this happens.
We all know what should have happened
to prevent this tragedy, 
but it didn't, and the man is dead.
Why bring any more suffering
to his poor family
and the friend who searched
for 30 minutes in the water for him?
They lost someone they loved
and this beautiful place
will forever haunt them.
Is that not enough?

I went for a walk there the other day
and saw this one lone flower...
and I thought of him.

 Then I picked up this book again...

and read this...

Funny how the same questions
have different meaning now...

I had ordered new cards from MOO
and they came in as the helicopters
searched overhead...
it made me sad
when i noticed my ocean paintings.
I can be overly sensitive about my surroundings,
so I usually try to paint or sketch something
as soon as i can,
to put the pain on paper
rather than keep it in my heart.

I started this painting thinking of water,
and ocean, and waves, and nighttime... 
(it's acrylic on paper)

Not sure where I was going with the pink,
but I just let it go where it wanted to go.

Added a bit of white...
still not sure if it's anything 
other than abstract.

Then I flipped it over
and saw a dragon and someone flying
and a moon and water and a heart...

These are closer to the real colours..

taken in daylight.

Looking at it this way just feels 

less scary to me.

Why a dragon would feel less scary,

I'm not sure.  ;)

I'm not sure if i mentioned anything in my last post,

but I'm working on a little something

with a few other artists

that we'll be sharing with you all soon.

I am thrilled to be contributing

to such a fun project

and I know that many of you

will be happy to

color along with me very soon!

(Yes, that's a little hint for you.)

As soon as I get the ok to share,

I will.

Hang tight.

In the meantime,

you might wanna

sharpen your color pencils!

xx

This is how excited I am:

am i the only crazy one out here?

Greetings Munchkins!

It's been a struggle for me lately to make art.
To make time...
to feel inspired...
to be in the right heart space...
(heart space is always more important than head space)

For those of you out there
who blog and share your art with the world...
do you ever wonder why you do?
I do.
i've been thinking on this a lot lately.
Initially, i did it for me.
I began blogging and sharing because i wanted to get
more comfortable with having my work out there.

Then it slowly transitioned into
less about me
and more about others...
Without wanting to sound religious,
I felt like i could be of service somehow.
Like this was my way
of giving back to the world.
If i could inspire or encourage ONE person out there to make art
(and thus to feel happier, because making art = feeling happier),
then my job was done.
The more people i could inspire
to make that connection with their own hearts - 
and shut the rest of the world off,
the happier this planet would be. 
Did i really believe this?
(yes, i secretly did - and still do)

The world may be happier just one tiny person at a time,
one tiny heart at a time,
but it'll be happier, because that's what art does.
That's what music does.
That's what nature does.
That's what poetry does.
It makes us forget about the yucky stuff that surrounds us -
the things that  suffocate us during the day...
like crappy jobs
and toxic relationships
& burdened responsibilities -

and it somehow connects us

to what really matters to us.

Not to others.

Not to the company, or the husband,

or the bank, or the market, or the wife,

or the boss, or the neighbours, or society...

to us.

It's easy to feel intimidated into
shutting up, isn't it?
When everyone around us seems to be
a success - and we're not.
When everyone seems to know the secret -
and we don't.
With the internet at our fingertips,
it's easier than ever to compare ourselves to others...
so it's that much more important
to keep connected to
our own hearts
and to be grateful that we have this connection
when so many others
seem to have lost their way.

And speaking of hearts and connections...
i watched a documentary called BLACKFISH,
about the killer whales in captivity in theme parks
around the world.
I felt such sadness for these beautiful creatures
that i was inspired to paint again
after days (weeks?) of a dry spell...

i love that art is able to do this.
I think about music sometimes
and i wonder how many hearts
would have drowned in sorrow,
if musicians or composers hadn't sat themselves down
to write/play what they had been feeling in their hearts?
How many hearts HAVE drowned in sorrow
because someone chose not to write?

Art allows me to take sadness
from the pit of my stomach
and put it on paper so it doesn't eat up
my insides.
It may sound stupid to some,
(and totally useless for the whales)
but it makes sense to me.
It's important to me.
So I do it.

I've always been overly sensitive

about the suffering of animals

(hence, the suffering of man...) 

and somehow, putting it on paper

gives my feelings a voice

and eases my own suffering.

Only after i give my feelings a voice through art

can i actually think straight enough

to ACT and do something (if i choose so)

Now i'm inspired to write,
but it's getting late and i must say goodnight!
I'll be back soon.

Wishing you all a week filled with inspiration
and courageous hearts!
xox

For those interested, here's the trailer for the film...

Breaking Bad

I did it for me. I liked it. I was good at it.

And I was really… I was alive.

– Walter White (Breaking Bad)

 portrait time...

I don't know if any of you watched Breaking Bad
but i did, and i was basically stuck to the couch
like a tongue on frozen steel for an hour. ;-)

 I don't like TV much, but my son got me hooked on this series
(yeah, it's his fault)

No regrets though... i loved it.
This winter, when the snow starts to fall,
we may just watch the whole series again on Netflix.

ok, so as you can see with this portrait,
it doesn't always look like the person in the beginning.
When i started with the red marker lines,
it looked very little like Walter White.
There is constant adjusting to be made...
to the nose, to the thickness of the mustache,
to the shadows...

it's all about SEEING more than anything...
i am no more talented than anyone else.
I probably just paint more often, that's all.
(and i don't always paint with good brushes - obviously!)
One just has to look at the rapports between
one space and another.

when i'm doing eyes
i'm not only looking at the shape of the eye,
but i'm looking at the distance between the eye and the temple,
between the eye and the nose
between the eye and the ear...
it's all about balance
and making sure it's sitting on the face
at the right place.

 adding a bit more red, orange and black.

 adding the glasses... 

 and there you  have it - Walter White.

One of my favorite quotes from the show:

Walter was in a hospital waiting room with another man who had just been diagnosed with cancer. (Walter was a chemist who had been diagnosed at 50). The other man was worried to death...

And Walt says:

"I have spent my whole life scared, frightened of things that could happen, might happen, might not happen, 50-years I spent like that. Finding myself awake at three in the morning. But you know what? Ever since my diagnosis, I sleep just fine. What I came to realize is that fear, that’s the worst of it. That’s the real enemy. So, get up, get out in the real world and you kick that bastard as hard you can right in the teeth." – Walter White 

And one of my favorite songs from the show (this series had great music!)

Weekend is almost here.... xox