Wednesday, November 7, 2012

When all else fails, get yourself a happy file. Boom.

hello friends.

I think i need to clear the air
for fear that i may have misled some of you
into thinking that my life is perfect.

Newsflash: it's not.

I am like most of you,
where i have good days and bad days,
and most of my bad days lately
stem from seeing others suffer (especially my mom...)

I've felt less inspired to create lately,
so naturally, i have less to share on this blog.

I've lacked energy and focus
and yet
i feel like i am exactly where i need to be,
doing exactly what i need to be doing at this time.

Being there for mom.

I'm still trying to make sense of illness and death
I'm a slow learner... ;-)

But I do know this:
that it is a natural process,
and one we too often try to avoid at all costs.

So i look to the stars every now and then
to remind myself that i don't know everything,
that i don't need to know all the answers,
and the twinkling skies always bring me solace.

So tonight, to lighten the mood,
i dug up my happy file.

I'm not the only person that has a happy file, am I? 

Old photographs from a dear friend
who was a fabulous photographer... (yes, she took these)

Sadly, she passed away almost 2 years ago at the age of 50.

I know, you're probably thinking,
why the hell is this in her happy file?

Because of the memories, baby.

We went on many photo excursions
and we laughed till we peed our pants.
Yeah, i know. Inconvenient truth. ;-)

So whenever i see these,
i don't think of the loss of Liz,
i think of the fun we had while we were together.

Her self portrait... 

And then i found this, and it fucking cracked me up...

A letter written to me by my son when he was about 3 or 4 years old.
He wanted to write, just like his mom. :-)

Crossed rifles and revolvers.
I know, SO far off from who i am today.

I trained in my younger years as a security guard
and worked for a while in the penitentiary here in Canada
and while training, i just happened to discover a hidden talent.

At targets, not people. :-) 

Check it out. Weapons. 97.8%

And today, i can't kill a fly.
Or maybe i don't want to now. :-)

How is this ever NOT funny?!

And the most precious...
a dinosaur drawing from my son
when he was obviously quite young. 

I love the eye... and that small tail.
It cracks me up every time.

So there you have it.
Not much art from me tonight,
but part of my happy file.

I'll bet you're feeling pretty privileged right about now. ;-)

Thanks for giving me some space
in your busy lives.
I am very grateful to all of you.


  1. I just LOVE the idea of a happy file! Thanks so much for sharing yours with us. There are some awesome items in there! Hope they did the trick xx

  2. Thanks for sharing your Happy File. Your sons drawings and his hand written letter cracked me up too. I have two boys that light me up and make me smile in the same way. Boys are awesome BTW.

    I might make myself a happy file now:)

  3. I love your happy file! Perfect is boring...and if you had no bad days you wouldn't realize how great the good ones are!


  4. Love love your happy file Pauline... and beautiful post... I definitely need to make one of these... as Socrates said... One thing only I know... and that is that I know nothing... and like you... I don't think we do need to know all the answers... and being ok with that is a great place to be in...

    Jenny ♥

  5. I have a happy drawer... I keep all sorts of bits and bobs in there... ticker stubs, notes written by Phantom on post its and things like that... it never fails to put things into perspective for me...xx

  6. I have two boxes labelled 'Mementos', with all the little things my two daughters made and drew and wrote for me when they were young. A happy file indeed, but tinged with so much sadness when I see my lovely daughter fading.
    And there is always the happy memories file in the head.
    Thank you for the thoughtful post. I loved your son's letter - at first I thought he had invented a new system of shorthand.
    Thinking of you and your mom.

  7. I used to have a box of treasures. I left it BEhind in Sedona, but funny thing, it's all right here, in my funny little heart.

    thanks for rememberingme that!!

  8. Of course we're priviliged; we get to read your blog from time to time :D

    I don't have a happy file; I have a happy folder on the PC crammed with lots of pics, and a canvas box full of crafty bits from all over the world :)

    Revolvers and rifles. They feature in my past too, and I've just blogged about it today. It's a small world!

  9. I alwasy think we are where we are supposed to be! Just 'being' is enough anyway. Love your 'happy file'. I always try to have one happy thought every day- I actively think of one!

  10. I am SO going to make myself a happy file! What a great idea. I'm going to put it on my rather extensive "to do list" for 2013, and I'm going to push it near the top. Big hugs to you and I'm always honored to see life from your perspective! ♥

  11. I LOVE that letter your son wrote! I know you know EXACTLY what it says. ;) Thanks for sharing your happy file; I laughed out loud at least twice. And so intrigued by your shooting aficionado past!! Big hugs xx

  12. So much truth, love,hope,faith in this post!Your sons drawing and letter are an adorable treasure!! Love them!! Sometimes all we have are our memories, but they sustain us in those crucial moments!! Thanks for sharing so much of your soul with such authenticity!! I feel honored to read such an intimate post!!

    Hugs Giggles

  13. I have a happy file in my head. But whenever you are feeling low, the happy file is the place to go. ;)