Another school shooting? Yes. Another.

We are all in the gutter,

but some of us are looking at the stars.

- Oscar Wilde

Over this past week, it's been difficult

to keep looking at the stars, hasn't it?

On Valentine's day,

17 children in the US (Parkland, Florida) were murdered. 

Gunned down by another young, crazed, angry, white man.

It makes me sick to my stomach.

An 18 year old in the US can buy an AR-15 assault rifle,

but he can't buy a beer.

Some teenagers started eating Tide Pods (don't ask me why!)

and now, Tide Pods in grocery stores are practically kept

under lock & key, so as to avoid another incident.

In most pharmacies, certain medication

is kept safely stored behind the counter.

The guns - oh, those are ok.

You can buy them at Walmart,

along with 1000 of rounds of ammunition.

Not a problem at all.

IT.

IS.

INSANE.

It breaks my heart to know that these children

went through such hell.

I have faith that many of these young ones

are going to channel their anger and fear

into something grand and powerful.

Lord knows the old, white, wealthy politicians

are too busy counting their money to care at all.

So over the past week or so,

I've been busy cleaning & organizing!

It's not something I do often, trust me -

but lately, I've felt the need to get rid of some stuff,

externally and internally. ;)

The photo above is "before"

and the photo below here is "after".

It may not look that clean to some,

but it's more than fine for me.

I bought this fabulous book last weekend.
An illustrated book on how we are all
connected to the universe.

Science and art, rolled into one.
Hardcover, and it was something like $18 (CAN).

I love the book.

Anything that encourages
learning and thinking
is a good thing.

Too many of us have lost the ability (or the desire?)
to spend any time thinking on things.
We keep ourselves so busy,
that we barely allow ourselves time
to think of what to make for supper.

And with cell phones now,
we are almost constantly distracted 
from our own thoughts.

Sometimes, when things get heavy out there,

or when things just don't make any sense to me -

it feels good to be reminded that we are ALL part

of a huge universe,

more connected than not,

and that even in nature, 

there is suffering.

So I didn't just clean my desk,

I cleaned the whole room,

and man, did it feel good once it was done.

And the best part?

I got rid of a LOT of books.

Like between 75 or 100.

That's huge for me.

I'm kind of a nerd when it comes 

to getting rid of books.

They just feel much more a "part of me"

than clothes or shoes or furniture. 

But I let them go with good intentions,

hoping that whoever reads them,

gets as much out of them as I did.

Besides, there's a time for everything, right?

Some of the books I purged had me thinking:

"why the hell did I want to read THIS?!?" :)

Ta Daaaaaa!

Both book shelves - done.

I like organizing my books by color,

but I haven't tackled that since the cleanup.

I'm visual so whenever I'm looking for a certain book,

I can always remember the color,

and I usually find it quickly.

Plus, it looks cool when it's color coded. ;)

So I did this (below) on the evening of Feb 14th...
I was (and am still) so angry about it all.

And I did this one (below) the day after...
still processing the anger and sadness.

Some people can talk about it for an hour,
and then they're fine.
They move on to something else.

Not me.

I need to sit with the stories
and the questions, 
and the words -
sometimes for days.
None of it makes any sense,
but I'm at least able
to turn the anger & sadness
into art that becomes somewhat healing for me.

I can only hope the families of those murdered
can find their own path
to healing somehow...

Thanks for being here!
I'll keep you posted here on my new website 
as soon as it's live!
Wishing you all a happy week!
xo

Darwin and Parkinson's disease

But in every walk with nature,

one receives far more than he seeks.

- John Muir

So this is what I've been busy with lately.

Or who I've been bus with. :)

Since dad's diagnosis with Parkinson's

only a few months ago,

he's had a few falls.

A few weeks ago, he had a bad fall

on his bathroom floor

and broke 5 ribs, cut his arm and 

bruised his face like a prize fighter. 

So he has to use a walker for a while,

at least until his ribs heal.

(I wish he would come to terms with using it

all the time for balance, but i know he won't.)

It's hard to pull back and not tell him what to do.
I read somewhere that the cause for
much of the unhappiness we feel
is because we don't accept reality as it is.
We want to change things
or control things.

I wish my dad would use a walker all the time,
so that he wouldn't fall again,
but I know he won't.
And I can't force him.
He wouldn't listen to me anyway.

Dad's always been fiercely independent (like moi)
so I know he'll end up doing what he wants to do
and I have to accept that whatever happens - happens.
There are times in life that are joyful
and other times that are not so joyful.
This is a somewhat "not so joyful" time.

So when dad went back home

and I knew he was on the mend

and I could breathe again,

I went into my blue room

and "binge painted" for like 6 hours. :)

The painting above is the 1st one I did

called "banana & grape". :)

A little sketch I did while I waited for my car to be fixed...

And a few days ago,
when I had more time on my hands
and I knew dad was ok,
I did another "sheet music" portrait.

Charles Darwin.

King of Evolution. :)

I love old black & white photos

(even if i decided to add color here)

I began wanting to use only sepia tones,
but I ended up adding some dark blue
and then some white.

 It's acrylic on paper...

 I love his serious look.

My aunt gave me a bunch of canvases
she had started painting on,
but no longer wanted. (Merci Angèle!!)
This (top) was a painting she had begun...

I just wanted to do something fun
while keeping some of her background...

 I played with the whites, and dots

and then filled in a few blocks of color...

I'm trying to let go of the whole "I like it"

or "I don't like it" judgement of my own paintings - 

but I like this.

(giggle)...

On another note,
I bought artwork from Yocopio a few weeks ago.
I've been following him on Instagram for a while now
and i love his stuff.
Makes me smile whenever I see them.
I get original artwork.
He gets my support ($)
The illustrations make me smile.
It's win-win for everyone. :)
And the Frieda you see there on the left,
and the beautiful print/painting on the right...
That's from my lovely friend, Stéphanie Guimond
a card with a hand written note in it.
Is there anything more precious than receiving snail mail?
In today's "automated everything" world,
i love anything handwritten.
Gifts that came in the mail
when I needed them most.

Currently reading this...
(Felix Scheinberger was one of the teachers on the
Sketchbook Skool course I took this past summer) 
I LOVE HIM and his artwork.
Amazing what you can learn in 6 short weeks.

And reading this...
I've always loved the words of Julia Cameron.

I am writing this post rather quickly,
so i fear I may have shared some of this artwork before,
or said some of these things before...
but hey. Not a big deal if I did.
Just pretend you're hearing it for the first time. :)
Thank you all for being here.
xx

shy, mini painting and power. Yes, power.

Scientists have found the gene for shyness.

They would have found it years ago,

but it was hiding behind a couple of other genes.

Jonathan Katz

I'm linking this to Illustration Friday.

Word of the week: shy

Check out some of the other fabulous illustrations there.

So much talent in this big ol' world...

Another mini acrylic painting on paper,

3" x 3"

From SHY to SKY...

(welcome to Sesame Street!) :-)

Wishing you all nothing but blue skies...

Especially those of you in the eastern U.S.

Sending warm thoughts your way

and hoping you're all reconnected

sooner than later.

xox

art heals - and so does Neil Young

hi everyone.

I thought i'd get a chance to catch up on all your blogs this past weekend

but alas... life had other plans.

I look forward to connecting with all of you again soon...

Any bit of spare time i have these days is shared between

visiting mom in the hospital,

checking up on dad,

being a mother,

working,

making meals,

painting,

reading,

writing,

walking,

and seeking sanity on a daily basis. ;-)

Hence, the sheet music painting tonight.

sheet music painting = sanity.

I hadn't done any in a while... and it's oh so meditative for me.

It just takes me to another place where time stands still.

I put on some music,

and within minutes,

i'm flying, far far away.

No, there are no drugs involved. (giggle)

I love the last part of a painting,
where the blacks and the whites are added.
It's where the painting comes alive, don't you think?

I'm guessing i'm not the only one who loves this part of a painting.

And even if once the painting is done,
i look at it for a few minutes,
and realize that the eyes are crooked,
and the nose is wrong,
and the mouth doesn't look quite like Neil's mouth...

I'm still smiling
cause it just felt so damn good to paint SOMETHING.

It's been hard for me to concentrate on art lately,
for obvious reasons.

My head knows that it's good to do something that i love,
but my heart has a hard time getting started sometimes.

Once i get myself started, it's all good.
But sometimes these days, sitting in the blue room is a bit of a challenge.

Art helps me feel grounded
so whenever i go a while without it,
i literally feel out of whack.

But still, i do something that many of us don't do often enough.

I go easy on myself.

I cut myself some slack.

I remind myself that the paints will be there tomorrow,

if i feel like painting,

or the day after,

or the day after that...

Tonight was one of those "day after's".

When i sat in the blue room, i felt like being there.
I knew it would be a good painting session before i even began.

Some things, you just know.

I have so much more to say to all of you,
about so many things,
but it'll have to be for a later time.

It's getting late and i'm running on empty already.

I'll leave you with one of my favourite Neil Young songs...
and i wish you all star filled skies this week.
xox

sad girl and Rainer Maria Rilke

hi there.

Feeling a little off today,

so no words of wisdom.

Here's what i painted this morning.

(acrylic and charcoal on watercolor paper)

There's a quote by Picasso that i love:

Every child is an artist.

The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up. 

So this morning,

i felt like connecting to the artist i may have been

as a child.

It's a real challenge for me to let go of control

and paint from a place of innocence

rather than judgement.

I do like her...

...and her red shoes. :-)

I may have shared this with you already,

but i'm doing it again.

I read these words often,

by Rainer Maria Rilke

the genius poet.

His words comfort me

in times of doubt,

more than any other words ever do.

*****

Your work needs to be independent of others' work.

You must not compare yourself to others.

No one can help you. You have to help yourself.

Criticism leads to misunderstandings and defeatism.

Work from necessity and your compulsion to do it.

Work on what you know and what you are sure you love.

Don't observe yourself too closely, just let it happen.

Don't let yourself be controlled by too much irony.

Live in and love the activity of your work.

Be free of thoughts of sin, guilt and misgiving.

Be touched by the beautiful anxiety of life.

Be patient with the unresolved in your heart.

Try to be in love with the questions themselves.

Love your solitude and try to sing with its pain.

Be gentle to all of those who stay behind.

Your inner self is worth your entire concentration.

Allow your art to make extraordinary demands on you.

Bear your sadness with greater trust than your joy.

Do not persecute yourself with how things are going.

It's good to be solitary, because solitude is difficult.

It's good to love, because love is difficult.

You are not a prisoner of anything or anyone.

- Rainer Maria Rilke

*****

oncology center...

I can be changed by what happens to me

but I refuse to be reduced by it.

Maya Angelou

I went to the Oncology center again today.

Mom begins chemotherapy again...

after a break that was much too brief.

Every time I go there,

I'm reminded of what I have,

what others have lost,

and how fragile life is.

True wealth has nothing to do with money.

The only true wealth is health.

We all walk around like we have

all the time in the world

to do what we want,

to go where we want,

to be who we want.

We neglect,

we procrastinate,

we find every excuse in the book

to do it later.

Tomorrow.

Next year.

When the mortgage is paid off.

When the kids are gone.

When i have more money.

But when i see the faces

in that sitting room at the Oncology Center,

i know that many no longer have the energy

nor the will

to follow their hearts. 

They have become too busy with survival

to be concerned with dreams

and passions.

All they want is to feel good again.

That has become their dream.

What

are

we

waiting

for

?

Do one small thing today

that makes you feel one step closer

to your dream.

Even if it's just

writing it on paper,

and claiming it as yours. 

xoxo