When all else fails, get yourself a happy file. Boom.

hello friends.

I think i need to clear the air

for fear that i may have misled some of you

into thinking that my life is perfect.

Newsflash: it's not.

I am like most of you,
where i have good days and bad days,
and most of my bad days lately
stem from seeing others suffer (especially my mom...)

I've felt less inspired to create lately,
so naturally, i have less to share on this blog.

I've lacked energy and focus
and yet
i feel like i am exactly where i need to be,
doing exactly what i need to be doing at this time.

Being there for mom.

I'm still trying to make sense of illness and death
I'm a slow learner... ;-)

But I do know this:
that it is a natural process,
and one we too often try to avoid at all costs.

So i look to the stars every now and then
to remind myself that i don't know everything,
that i don't need to know all the answers,
and the twinkling skies always bring me solace.

So tonight, to lighten the mood,
i dug up my happy file.



I'm not the only person that has a happy file, am I? 

Old photographs from a dear friend

who was a fabulous photographer... (yes, she took these)

Sadly, she passed away almost 2 years ago at the age of 50.

I know, you're probably thinking,

why the hell is this in her happy file?

Because of the memories, baby.

We went on many photo excursions

and we laughed till we peed our pants.

Yeah, i know. Inconvenient truth. ;-)

So whenever i see these,

i don't think of the loss of Liz,

i think of the fun we had while we were together.

Her self portrait... 

And then i found this, and it fucking cracked me up...

A letter written to me by my son when he was about 3 or 4 years old.

He wanted to write, just like his mom. :-)

Crossed rifles and revolvers.

I know, SO far off from who i am today.

I trained in my younger years as a security guard

and worked for a while in the penitentiary here in Canada

and while training, i just happened to discover a hidden talent.

Shooting.

At targets, not people. :-) 

Check it out. Weapons. 97.8%

And today, i can't kill a fly.
Or maybe i don't want to now. :-)

How is this ever NOT funny?!

And the most precious...

a dinosaur drawing from my son

when he was obviously quite young. 

I love the eye... and that small tail.

It cracks me up every time.

So there you have it.

Not much art from me tonight,

but part of my happy file.

I'll bet you're feeling pretty privileged right about now. ;-)

Thanks for giving me some space

in your busy lives.

I am very grateful to all of you.

xox

the woman in the moon

Life shrinks or expands

in proportion to one's courage.

Anaïs Nin

I decided a while ago that i would blog less often

and paint more.

And guess what i discovered?

That blogging is what kept me painting more often.

Knowing that i would be posting something in the morning

inspired me to be creative at night.

I blog less now (about twice per week)

and instead of using the extra time to paint

(like i thought i would!)

i clean the house

or go for coffee

or read

and more often than not

i work.

That's just yucky.

;-)

So i'm back to posting more often,

every day or two.

Yay for me!

It just gives me the kick in the ass i need

to keep myself creating.

I did this one in my journal last night...

acrylics, markers and white pen.

I really have a thing for twirls, don't i?

colors are off and i don't usually fiddle much

with making adjustments,

but you get the idea.

The woman in the moon. 

:-)

and this is my little blue room,

after the painting last night.

more stuff

and still more stuff. :-)

i took this pic this morning, in natural light.

By the way, i got a lovely invitation a little while back

to be a featured artist on Jennibellie's fabulous blog.

For those of you interested in reading the little interview

just click here.

Jenny is a talented and kind artist and spends much of her time

making beautiful things and spreading the love by

sharing her artwork and her tutorial videos for everyone.

I just love anyone who's willing to share so much of themselves

with the world.

Thank you Jenny!

Wishing you all a wonderful week

filled with sunshine and lollipops. 

xoxo

the stars...

I've been thinking lately about

the pressure some people put on themselves

to be "in the know".

The pressure to be the best,

and to blog, and Facebook, and Twitter and Google

and whatever else is out there.

To know everything about everyone

and to reach as many people as they can

and keep everyone up to date

on their own happenings

practically every hour of the day.

For some, every few minutes of the day. :-)

I think some of us have lost the ability

to just be with ourselves,

gadget free.

Maybe it's a generation thing.

Maybe i'm just getting old. 

:-(

There are interesting

and intriguing lives out there,

but many of us are so busy

living someone else's definition of success,

or trying to imitate the lives of others,

we've forgotten how to live our own.

We've forgotten our own definitions 

of success

or happiness

or how much is enough.

It's easy to feel left behind

or not part of the loop sometimes.

I think it's important to remind ourselves now & then

that in this age of technology

and the need to know everything about everyone

every waking hour of the day -

it really doesn't matter in the end.

it's ok not to know sometimes...

and just be with the stars in the sky

instead of the cell phones.

So cut yourself some slack,

and give yourself permission

to live like the Flintstones. 

:-)

Van Gogh

I went for a nice walk last night in the cold winter air

and as i looked at the beautiful moon

and the starlit sky,

i thought of this quote by Van Gogh...

I agree with Vincent.

The sight of stars makes me dream too. 

You would think after so many years

of seeing the moon up there in the sky

i would have grown accustomed to it.

But I am still in awe.

As soon as i step out the door for my walk in the evenings,

I look up towards the moon & the stars

and it still reassures me

the same way it did 

when i was 13 years old.

So here's what i painted last night,

after my cold winter walk,

in honour of Vincent Van Gogh,

and his deep appreciation for the skies...

*****

And your smile for the day. 

:-)

I think we can all relate to this one.

starry night

Sometimes, life throws sucker punches. 

Or maybe it just tries to jolt us into becoming more aware of what's really important.

In the past two years, i've lost a good friend to cancer, my own mother was diagnosed and

is currently in chemotherapy, my father had a severe heart attack and

i've had a few health scares myself,

which i now attribute to mentalpause - (menopause my ass...)

More recently, we have close friends who are going through very difficult times...

I know it sounds so cliché, but when you lose your health, you lose everything.

Nothing else matters.

I've always found it hard to distance myself from another person's pain.

I still work hard on that one,

looking for that right balance between being there for support

and not losing myself in the process.

So whenever i begin to feel overwhelmed,

and there are too many stories of children being abused in the news,

and honour killings,
and cancer,

and acid burnings -

I pull myself out,

and find my way to the good things.

To a long walk in the cold winter air,

and a starry night sky,

and the moon,

if only to remind myself that amongst the chaos of all this "badness"

there is still "goodness" as well.

I get what Ralph Waldo Emerson was saying

when he spent so much time alone in his little cabin in the woods.

Nature is indifferent.

Where i am looking at a beautiful full moon,

someone else is drowning somewhere in the world.

Gratitude for what you have,

or where you are,

or who you are is so important.

If you can't be grateful when things are good,

you'll never make it when things get bad.

Be grateful today, ok?

Don't complain over a broken fingernail.

Think of those who have so much less than you do on this day.

xoxo

starry sky...

A gentle reminder to be yourself - even when others don't "get" you. ESPECIALLY when others don't get you. :o) There's room for everyone in this big 'ol world.