how do you make sense of a crazy world?

hello everyone!

My journal entry from

November 29th, 2016:

*****

I just came back from a beautiful walk.

The sun was shining and as I walked,

it started snowing at the same time.

Part of the sky was dark and cloudy,

ant the other part was blue sky.

So pretty.

The snowflakes falling

looked like little sparkles

or sprinkles in the sky.

It's moments like these

that feel blessed to me.

And i hesitate to say blessed

because it implies there is someone

or something

doing the blessing,

and that's just not what I believe.

It's just that whenever I see something like that,

or hear beautiful music -

even just a single note sometimes,

I feel like my insides turn to mush

and I am somehow weaved in

with the note or the snowflake

or the singing bird and for a moment -

we become one.

I know it sounds corny,

but whenever these moments happen for me,

everything makes sense.

It is no doubt what Eckhart Tolle calls

being in the moment.

It's not that everything makes sense, really,

but more like nothing else exists

outside of my tiny moment

with the snowflakes.

Like the rest of the world comes to a stop

and my moment happens in slow motion -

to make sure i grasp the significance.

It is during times like these

that I am grateful

for my artist heart.

*****

So it's been a rough past few months
for many of us
and as much as I am still saddened
by everything happening in the world,
specifically the hatred
I am reminded every day
that there are still small miracles
all around me and that
I am still the same person.
Only maybe more resilient now.
Maybe more determined
to speak out when it's time
for my voice to be heard.
I still love books.
I still love painting.
And writing.
I love my family
and my friends.
I love connecting with others
around the world (like you!).
These things will never change,
regardless of what is happening
around me.
I hope you are finding 
some sort of peace with it all too.
Especially my American friends.
Regardless of who you voted for,
let's face it,
there's a lot of uncertainty
for a lot of people right now.
Sometimes, having the world around us
shift in strange and unpleasant ways
makes us even more determined
to take our place in it.

On another note,
I did some cards with my acrylic paintings
and ordered them from Vistaprint
during their Black Friday sale (60% off!)
and I got them yesterday.
So exciting!

I like sending a little something extra
to those who buy from my ETSY shop,
so I'm pretty happy with these.

I'll be sending some
in Christmas cards this year as well...

I love the combination of
art and words.
Both are equally important to me.

Big love to every one of you.
xx

finding time and Milton Glaser

hello everyone!

Here we are, 8pm on a Sunday night -

and I am in weekend mode

as long as I can stretch it. :)

The weather was beautiful today...
sunny and about 18C (65F)
which is nicer than it's been in a while.
No more snow at least
and the days are getting longer & warmer.
I sat outside today
with a coffee and a good book
and stayed there till late afternoon.
I washed some clothes
and hung them outside -
something my grandmother loved to do,
and my mother loved to do,
and now I love to do.
Then I made spaghetti sauce
so i didn't spend the entire day
on my ass
but i could have, easily. :)

I've felt this strange distance
from drawing these days.
When I do draw, it's done quickly
and with less patience it seems.
I've been writing a bit more than drawing
but even that - I am finding little time for these days.

Whenever I start working again,
it always takes me a little while
to adjust & find my groove.
To feel like myself again.
I always feel lost in those
first few days/weeks.
I usually paint a lot less
and write a lot more.
Then I start squeezing in a sketch
here and there
and by the time week 4 or 5 rolls in,
i'm doing what makes me happy
at least some of the time
during the course of a day.

It is difficult for me

to be in a social setting all day,

where there is rarely a quiet hour

during the day.

Sometimes, I get home

and i feel exhausted.

Like I've physically worked hard all day.

Being around people who talk a lot

(and usually say little)

drains my energy.

So that's when things like

yoga

or books

or a hot bath

or mint tea

or a nice walk

or a good Netflix movie

come in handy.

All of these things

save my sanity

and honestly -

compared to last year at this time,

i am in good shape.

We're not always able
to find what fuels us
and some of us know what we need
but it's just not attainable
for whatever reason
when we most need it.
My heart goes out to those people.
Those who run on adrenaline.
Or on fumes.
Neither is good
and if you are one of those people,
know that there are better days ahead.
Mom came from a family
of 13 children.
There had to be many moments
in my grandmother's life
where she was in desperate need
of a hot bath
or a quiet cup of tea
or an afternoon nap -
and she instead
had to feed the children
or bake bread
or mend the torn 
and tattered clothing.
I am in awe of such women.

Me, mom, and my sick little brother Ricky.
I was about 5 or 6. 

On another note,
I picked up this cute little book
the other day at the 2nd hand book store.

I am a sucker for books with visuals. :)

 This little doodle/logo page

brought me back to my college days 
when i studied graphic design.
I am more grateful now than ever
that I chose this for my career.
We don't often think of it,
but we are surrounded with art & design.
Packaging.
Posters.
Billboards.
Book covers.
The newspaper.
Your furniture.
Your fridge.
Your car.
Your clothes.
A good designer knows
that it's not only about how it looks,
but it's about what it communicates
and how it makes you feel.
Here's little video (6 min)
on one of my favorite designers,
Milton Glaser -
about art
and design
and love of life.
Happy week everyone!
Thanks for being here.
xx

maybe i'll become a monk

Everyone thinks of changing the world,

but no one thinks of changing himself.

- Leo Tolstoy

I went to the book store the other night.

I was picking up my son at a friend’s house at 9pm,

so I decided to drop into a local book store

for a bit before I picked him up.

My mind’s been going a little crazy lately –

all over the place.

So when I walked into Chapters that night,

here's what was going on in my head:

So I'm back at work. Again.

If i know I don't fit in there,

why do I keep going back?

For the same reason everyone else works.

For money.

I can’t believe Donald Trump made it this far.

I'm afraid terrorism has become the new normal.

So much anger in the world.

I miss mom…

I think back at when she was in the hospital,

and how much she suffered.

Life isn't always easy.

I wish _____ didn't drink so much.

I wish _____ was more at peace with himself.

I’m so happy _____ met _____.

They seem so good together.

I think it takes a lot of courage to divorce.

Some couple just shouldn’t stay together.

They start out ok, but something happens along

the way & they lose one another.

Too many people stay together

for the wrong reasons.

I loved that movie we watched

about Jean-Michel Basquiat.

I love that he did his own thing.

I hate that drugs took over his life

and we lost him much too soon.

I wonder if I'll ever "make it" as an artist?

And what does that really mean anyway?

To be in a gallery?

To be known?

To die young & tormented?

I'm so happy I have writing and art.

Being an artist is more about

how you feel on the inside

than about what happens on the outside.

It's about knowing your heart.

What more needs to be said & done?

So I walk into Chapters

with these thoughts flying through my head

like birds around a branch

and I stop at the first table I see.

Books on meditation and well-being and yoga.

Not books I would normally look at.

I pick up a small book by Thich Nhat Hanh,

the Vietnamese Buddhist monk,

on brush painting.

I flip to a page,

and I see these beautifully

hand brushed words:

a cloud never dies.

And all at once,

my mind was quiet.

I began to picture a blue sky,

with a slow moving cloud…

the way it moves and changes

and rearranges itself in the sky

– and then it slowly dissipates.

At one point, 

it is there

and moments later

it is gone.

I stood there with the book in my hands,

staring at the beautiful,

simple brush strokes…

imagining his hand writing

these few simple words

that said so much me

in that one moment.

My thoughts dissipated

just like the cloud.

And I understood.

All of the buzzing in my head

only moments before

no longer mattered.

It never had.

Life is suffering

and confusing

and frustrating at times.

But it is also beauty and truth and love.

These opposites always co-exist

and always will.

I can choose to go against the tide – or with it.

I can choose to see only darkness

or to see both light & dark.

I can choose to be the suffering,

or I can choose to be the dissipating cloud.

I much prefer being the cloud.

Thank you all for being here.

Wishing you all a fabulous weekend!