Speed Stick and poetry for mom...

may came home with a smooth round stone

as small as a world and as large as alone.

- e.e. cummings 

Things have been a little cookoo here lately.

My husband works away and in the past week,

came home and left again

for another little while.

Several days ago, my son left for a trip to Mexico

- a dream vacation for any teenager -

and March came and went, it seems

with the blink of an eye.

I feel out of sorts when creative routines are disrupted

and yet...

i sometimes need the break,

away from the computer

away from the art room.

(did she really SAY that?!)

Yes. She did. ;-)

So i walked

and read

and worked

and listened to good music

and had coffee with friends

and pondered life...

i sketched a bit,

but nothing much

and a few days ago,

i found this gem of a book

at the used book store

It is a rather fine line
between genius and creativity sometimes...

I also wrote a bit.

It's been over four months
since the loss of my mother
and it sometimes feels
like it was just yesterday.

Here's what i wrote
after one of my morning walks...

i hate remembering

mom being so sick

as we drove home from her chemo treatments

she with the car seat pulled back

resting quietly,

eyes closed and

hand on her heart...

i love that i was there with her

holding her hand

in the end

i hate how her diagnosis

led her to self doubt

and questions

and blame for what she

should have done

and didn't do.

i love that we got to spend

two extra years together

after she had been told

she only had a few months to live.

i hate that cancer robbed her

of her body

of her hair

of her strength

of her energy

of her appetite.

i love that it never robbed her

of her will to live

nor did it ever take away

the sparkle in her eyes.

i hate that her life was cut short

when she still had

so much life left in her.

i love that i had her for this long

when so many people out there

lose their mothers when they are children.

i hate that her leaving

forced my father to fend for himself

to make his meals

to clean the house

to be alone

to mourn the loss

and that it left an emptiness

in the house and in our hearts

that can never be filled again.

i love that i had her for a mother

and that the lessons she taught me

are now being passed on

to my own son

with deep love

and a tinge of sadness…

mom with Fluffy...

xox