When all else fails, get yourself a happy file. Boom.

hello friends.

I think i need to clear the air

for fear that i may have misled some of you

into thinking that my life is perfect.

Newsflash: it's not.

I am like most of you,
where i have good days and bad days,
and most of my bad days lately
stem from seeing others suffer (especially my mom...)

I've felt less inspired to create lately,
so naturally, i have less to share on this blog.

I've lacked energy and focus
and yet
i feel like i am exactly where i need to be,
doing exactly what i need to be doing at this time.

Being there for mom.

I'm still trying to make sense of illness and death
I'm a slow learner... ;-)

But I do know this:
that it is a natural process,
and one we too often try to avoid at all costs.

So i look to the stars every now and then
to remind myself that i don't know everything,
that i don't need to know all the answers,
and the twinkling skies always bring me solace.

So tonight, to lighten the mood,
i dug up my happy file.



I'm not the only person that has a happy file, am I? 

Old photographs from a dear friend

who was a fabulous photographer... (yes, she took these)

Sadly, she passed away almost 2 years ago at the age of 50.

I know, you're probably thinking,

why the hell is this in her happy file?

Because of the memories, baby.

We went on many photo excursions

and we laughed till we peed our pants.

Yeah, i know. Inconvenient truth. ;-)

So whenever i see these,

i don't think of the loss of Liz,

i think of the fun we had while we were together.

Her self portrait... 

And then i found this, and it fucking cracked me up...

A letter written to me by my son when he was about 3 or 4 years old.

He wanted to write, just like his mom. :-)

Crossed rifles and revolvers.

I know, SO far off from who i am today.

I trained in my younger years as a security guard

and worked for a while in the penitentiary here in Canada

and while training, i just happened to discover a hidden talent.

Shooting.

At targets, not people. :-) 

Check it out. Weapons. 97.8%

And today, i can't kill a fly.
Or maybe i don't want to now. :-)

How is this ever NOT funny?!

And the most precious...

a dinosaur drawing from my son

when he was obviously quite young. 

I love the eye... and that small tail.

It cracks me up every time.

So there you have it.

Not much art from me tonight,

but part of my happy file.

I'll bet you're feeling pretty privileged right about now. ;-)

Thanks for giving me some space

in your busy lives.

I am very grateful to all of you.

xox

art heals - and so does Neil Young

hi everyone.

I thought i'd get a chance to catch up on all your blogs this past weekend

but alas... life had other plans.

I look forward to connecting with all of you again soon...

Any bit of spare time i have these days is shared between

visiting mom in the hospital,

checking up on dad,

being a mother,

working,

making meals,

painting,

reading,

writing,

walking,

and seeking sanity on a daily basis. ;-)

Hence, the sheet music painting tonight.

sheet music painting = sanity.

I hadn't done any in a while... and it's oh so meditative for me.

It just takes me to another place where time stands still.

I put on some music,

and within minutes,

i'm flying, far far away.

No, there are no drugs involved. (giggle)

I love the last part of a painting,
where the blacks and the whites are added.
It's where the painting comes alive, don't you think?

I'm guessing i'm not the only one who loves this part of a painting.

And even if once the painting is done,
i look at it for a few minutes,
and realize that the eyes are crooked,
and the nose is wrong,
and the mouth doesn't look quite like Neil's mouth...

I'm still smiling
cause it just felt so damn good to paint SOMETHING.

It's been hard for me to concentrate on art lately,
for obvious reasons.

My head knows that it's good to do something that i love,
but my heart has a hard time getting started sometimes.

Once i get myself started, it's all good.
But sometimes these days, sitting in the blue room is a bit of a challenge.

Art helps me feel grounded
so whenever i go a while without it,
i literally feel out of whack.

But still, i do something that many of us don't do often enough.

I go easy on myself.

I cut myself some slack.

I remind myself that the paints will be there tomorrow,

if i feel like painting,

or the day after,

or the day after that...

Tonight was one of those "day after's".

When i sat in the blue room, i felt like being there.
I knew it would be a good painting session before i even began.

Some things, you just know.

I have so much more to say to all of you,
about so many things,
but it'll have to be for a later time.

It's getting late and i'm running on empty already.

I'll leave you with one of my favourite Neil Young songs...
and i wish you all star filled skies this week.
xox

mini ghost, abstract flowers and hope

hello folks.

I'm linking this to Illustration Friday... 

word of the week: HAUNT. 

I used cardboard from the Halloween chip box.

Yay!! free cardboard!! ;-)

I had fun making this little guy...

i'm a big chicken when it comes to scary stuff,

so i'll stick with the fun ghosts, thank you very much.

And then a bit of acrylic painting on paper...

It always seems to come alive for me when i add the dots... ;-)

and the black and white...

this photo (above) was taken last night, in my room...

and this one was taken this morning, 
by the window, with natural light...

What a difference, huh?
Colors are so much closer to the real thing.

For those of you who have sent such kind messages of concern
about my mother - thank you.

She is still in the hospital but in good spirits.
It's been an adjustment for everyone, 
so we're taking things one day at a time.

Just like the alcoholics do.  ;-)

It's hard not to worry all the time,
but then i'd be digging my own grave
if i spent every waking hour obsessing about mom
and cancer
and illness
and death...

So rather than go against the tide of what is our current reality,
i remind myself that she is in good hands
and that she is exactly where she needs to be right now.

She is doing well, despite everything,
thanks to her remarkable outlook on life and death.
The first thing she said when i went in to her room the other day was:

"aren't the leaves in the trees beautiful?"

We could all learn something from such a grateful heart,
don't you think?

xox