to do or not to do?

Greetings earthlings! :)

Well, I've accomplished very little
in that usually wonderfully creative time
between Christmas and New Year.
Here we are, almost mid January...
all getting back to our 'normal' routines,
whatever that may be for you.

I woke up this morning,

made a pot of coffee,

and decided I would sit myself down,

and do Susannah Conway's

UNRAVELLING THE YEAR AHEAD.

(you can download it here, if you're interested)

I suck at goal setting and planning

and I don't do resolutions -

but her way of looking at things...

the important questions she asks,

always seem to lead me on the right path.

I've always been hard on myself.
I am not a high achiever,
& I don't have high expectations,
but I get a LOT of shit done
in the course of a year,
and I don't take enough time
to celebrate that.
I've never been good at celebrating
my accomplishments. 
There's a disconnect between
what I DO
and what I THINK I do.
I'm surprised sometimes,
when I look back at what I've done
or where I've been.
If I want to do something, I do it,
then i just move on to something else.
Until someone says: "that's amazing!",
I don't think much of it.
Last week, someone asked me about 
the illustrations I had done in the past
for children's books.
I pulled out a few things I had done
over the past few years
and sent pics of them to her in an email.
As I was going through them, I started thinking:
"wow. I've done a lot of illustrations!" 
"wow. How lucky that I was able to illustrate
so many fun children's books!"
"Some of these are pretty damn good!"
I do things in small increments...
one little piece of art, here and there.
But I rarely ever pull them all together
and look at the whole.
I guess that's what I'm trying to do -
in art and in life.
Pulling everything together
and celebrating what actually gets done.
Celebrating the lessons learned.
Celebrating the small steps towards change.
Towards a life that feels more like "me".
I'm not gonna get all corny
and open a bottle of champagne or anything,
but just SEEING everything
I've managed to get done,
even when I feel like I'm not doing much.

Last year, I did the "29 faces in February" art challenge.

One small portrait of myself, every day for 29 days.

I did them on small index cards,

so they wouldn't take much time.

When I finished the month,

the index cards went to the corner of my table,

and I never looked at them again.

Until the other night, when I was sorting out some things

and I saw them.

I put them all on the floor, all 29 of them,

next to one another,

and I was impressed with the mosaic of color and style.

"Wow." I thought.

"I did this".

Sometimes, I actually don't remember

making the art.

But i do know one thing:

i was happy while I was doing it. :)

Because many of us as artists

are rarely compensated with money (at least consistently),

it's up to us to gather our work now and then

and admire how much we actually get done.

Money is never an indicator

of how much you accomplish (or not).

Never use money

as a measuring stick for anything.

Especially not for your happiness.

Use joy instead.

Peace of mind.

The way you feel 

when you sit yourself down

with a blank canvas & paints,

or with a new journal and a sparkly pens,

or with a good book...

Ralph Waldo Emerson only came out

of his sanctuary in the woods when his money ran out,

and he came out only long enough to make enough money,

to allow himself to go back to the woods again

and do what brought him joy - write.

If making money had been his priority,

I doubt that we would have

so many of his great writing.

The real joy for me

has nothing to do with the money I make as an artist,

but it has everything to do

with making the art itself.

 

So I'm setting 'intentions' for the new year.

Not plans, not resolutions, not goals.

INTENTIONS.

Which basically means:

no pressure.

And also,

something you can't fuck up. :)

 ...and a little bit of art. 
Very little these days.

 I'm taking what comes my way
and making the best of it.

 Acrylic on paper...

On fire, with little energy.
That's what eating a ton of chocolate
and drinking too much wine will do.
And menopause. :)

What I'm currently reading.
The first is a graphic novel,
beautifully done about Dahmer as a student in school.
We tend to forget that there are killers amongst us.
The second is written by the author of WILD,
a collection of beautiful stories & words of advice,
by someone (Cheryl) who was basically an orphan at 21.
And John Elder Robison (Look me in the eye)
is the brother of Augusten Burroughs,
who wrote 'RUNNING WITH SCISSORS',
the sad memoir of how they were raised
by parents who were both mentally ill.
John's book is about his life with asperger's.
Their father was a college professor in the eastern USA,
and their mother was a poet/writer.
It always amazes to me that people can be raised in such dysfunction
and grow to become productive, sane human beings.
I guess some make it (like John Elder)
and some don't (like Jeffrey Dahmer).
I am loving each of these books.

Thanks for being here.
xx

life on other planets, the crazies and art.

hello friends.

It's been a strange couple of weeks

although if you ask me why

i can't give you an answer.

Maybe because it's that time of year,

maybe because of the way of the world,

maybe because I've not painted much lately.

Maybe because I'm writing more,

and because I'm watching

great documentaries

and reading great books

that remind me that

life is not the same for everyone

and we don't all see

through the same eyes.

Getting up in the morning

is easy for me.

It's hell for someone else.

I wake up to the sound of silence.

Others wake up to the sound of bombs,

or in incredible pain,

or hungry, 

or unloved.

I eat when I want.

Others don't.

This is a huge privilege

and it shouldn't be.

Governments are spending

billions on wars they create,

on defence budgets,

on space programs,

and there are still people on this planet

who don't eat.

That is a fucking BASIC need.

Food.

Clothing.

Shelter.

We send people in space

but we've yet to figure out a way

to feed the world.

I love science

but why are we concerning ourselves

with finding life on other planets

when we are not taking care

of the lives we have here,

on this planet?

Makes me crazy.
(hence, the crazy doodle) ;)
This makes as much sense to me
as those who sacrifice this life
for an eternal life after death.
And they usually kill others
in the process. 
I believe in life before death.
Not life after.
I guess i'm still trying to make sense
of something that will forever be
senseless.

And then, there's this...
We got our first snowfall last week. 

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

Time to take out the music.

I just bought this one, and I love it.

But this one is still

my favorite of all time. :)

It's not Christmas until the Charlie Brown music comes on.

And then this happened. ;)
I may have shared this already
but it's cute, so I get to share it again.

Dad made Fluffy this little bed.

She totally loves being a princess.

She can do no wrong.

A few doodles from my 'draw your life' book.
A left handed drawing.

A few weeks ago,

I ordered this watercolor print from Prashant Miranda,

one of the great Sketchbook Skool teachers.

(They're all SO good)

Prash makes his home

between Canada and India.

Isn't it beautiful!?

I love it.

Love the bold colours.
He was so much fun as a teacher.
If you want your own print,
you can get it here.

And last, but not least...

If you purchase a copy of Color for Clarity by Jan 1st 2016,

you’ll receive a free e-book as our gift to you in thanks

for your support. Inside, you’ll find bonus colouring pages

and some great resources (several of which are free!)

to continue exploring your own creativity.

To claim your free e-book, forward your receipt

(or send a photo of Color for Clarity or other proof of purchase)

to me at:

paulinel@nb.sympatico.ca

and I'll send you your free e-book within a day or two.

And YES! Anyone who purchased the book when it was first released gets a FREE e-book as well!

If you haven’t grabbed your copy yet (and you know you want to) ;)

you can get it at:  http://colorforclarity.com/

And if you can, please leave us a review on Amazon!

We'd love to know how you like it.

Thanks for hanging out
and listening to my rants. ;)
xx

The WILD TRUTH about Into the Wild

hi folks...

It's Friday night here, 

and the wind is howling outside.

Halloween tomorrow.

The little witches & goblins are gonna be out

trickin' & treatin'.

I may watch a movie later on

but first, I have a few things to share.

It seems like I'm doing nothing

but trying to catch up these days.

Well, that, and watching movies. ;)

There are so many emails I want to send,

thank you cards (or just cards to say 'hello'),

blogs & books to read,

paintings to make,

friends to visit,

things to write...

And here's the thing:

I am currently not working outside the home!

I should have all the time in the world

to get everything done!

But do I?

No.

I never seem to have enough hours in the day

to do everything I wanna do.

Maybe my list is too long?

Or I'm too easily distracted?

oh ok, fuck it,

I already know the answer.

I procrastinate. :)

I'll write those emails,

as soon as I go for a walk outside.

I'll send those cards,

right after I do a little painting.

I get everything done eventually,

it's just that sometimes,

'eventually' takes a long time to get here. ;)

And of course, 
there's always that other "fun stuff"
like housework
and groceries
and changing lightbulbs
and making meals.
The other day, a friend of mine told me
that I made her feel lazy
because I got so much done in the course of a day.
You're fucking kidding, right?
No, she wasn't kidding.
So maybe I really am productive
and I just FEEL like a procrastinator? ;)
Maybe i have razor sharp focus
but it just FEELS like a total mess in my own head? 
giggle....
As my son would say:
Whatevs.
(translation: WHATEVER - because the word "whatever"
just takes far too much energy for teenagers to say) ;)
I'm doing my best
and as long as I don't kill anyone
in the course of a day - it's all good.

I go for walks whenever I can
because nature is my sanctuary.
I spend as many quiet moments in a day
as I can, because silence is golden for me.
I'm not one of these people
who needs to turn on the radio or tv
as soon as I get up in the morning.
I listen to music when I'm painting
but too much noise just makes me
wanna run the other way.

And speaking of noise & nature,
I wanted to say a few things
about the movie Into the Wild.
For those who don't know the movie,
it's the true story of Christopher McCandless
who decides, after graduating from university
with top honours, to give away all his money to charity,
and set out for Alaska, to live off the land.
Oh, and did I mention
that his parents were wealthy assholes?
Yeah, his father was a scientist for NASA
who was used to manipulating people
with his money,
and his mother was basically a puppet on a string.
They were devoted to their church,
while at the same time,
abusive to their children (physically and mentally).

It's a movie about
freedom and adventure
and a young man who decides to
escape the clutches of his controlling parents
and live life on his terms.
That's where the heaviness comes in.
It's also profoundly sad.
I wish I could say he lived happily ever after,
but...
I'm sure you all know the outcome.
If you don't, Google it.
I came out of that theatre
feeling like I had been hit by a truck.
I had a heavy heart for weeks.
But still - one of my favorite movies.
The music, the scenery, the meaning...

Then in 2014, Christopher's sister, Carine McCandless
wrote a book called THE WILD TRUTH.
It explained everything.
I am happy she wrote this,
for herself, her siblings, and for Chris.
After reading her book,
I understood his reasons for leaving
and for breaking the family ties completely.

Appearances can be deceiving.
What you see in public
is not always the truth
which is why we should never judge others
who do things that may seem irrational to us.
We never really know
what someone is living behind closed doors.

And on that note,

I'll leave you with this adorable little face...

Fluffy (dad's dog)

making a tongue at us.

:)

Happy Halloween everyone!
Remember: chocolate is good for you!
xx

ocean waves of sorrow and joy

hello everyone!

I have so much to share,

i'm not sure where to begin...

Let's start with the fact that 

it's still summer here!

We broke a 100 year record yesterday for temperature.

I was 30C (86F).

Hot for us in September.

Normally, by this time of the year,

we're pulling out the thick sweaters

and looking for our socks.

But this year, we seem to be

about a month+ behind in the seasons.

It's a strange thing,

the reaction we have to weather.

September here usually brings with it

a burst of energy for me

and a cozy feeling of cocooning.

Kids are going back to school,

some to university,

moms are getting the house to themselves... ;)

new beginnings.

But this year feels different.

There's this churning of creativity inside me

but when I notice it's still summer out there,

I wanna be out walking or swimming or kayaking.

(and on a good day, I usually am)

Because I know what's coming.

W.I.N.T.E.R.

So I hate to admit it,

but I would welcome a rainy day.

And if the forecast is right,

we're getting one tomorrow. (Sunday)

There's a little story to this sunflower.

Earlier this year,

we decided to plant a few things.

(I don't have a green thumb).

So we planted a few flowers along the walkway...

but we didn't plant this sunflower!

Honest, we didn't.

When we noticed something growing,

we were curious to see what would pop up there.

At first, I thought it was just weed...

no, not the kind you smoke! ;)

but lo and behold - 

this beautiful sunflower pops up! 

The birds & the bees carried the seeds

exactly at the right spot. :)

So next year, I'm planting sunflowers.

This is Fluffy, my dad's dog,

and she loves to hide her treats in the carpet,

just in case someone is thinking

of taking them from her.

Cracks me up.

I did a quick little sketch of her

while she slept by my side on the grass.

This is part of my blue room...
I used to have my mac upstairs,
but finally brought it down here.
This room just feels right for writing.

I am sitting in the chair you see here right now...

I love this space...
You don't need a big, fancy shmancy studio
to make art.
It just has to feel right in your heart.
Some people use a shed,
the basement, the back porch,
a kitchen table,
Whatever works for you.

A few weeks ago,
we were awakened at 2am 
by the sound of helicopters just above our house.
By morning, we found out
they were looking for a missing man in the water.
A boating accident.
He and a friend were boating
when the boat capsized.
His friend searched for him in the water
for a half hour before making it to shore
to call 911.
They found the missing man days later - drowned,
only about 50 feet from the shore here.
42 years old.

Whenever something like this happens,
you always have the nitwits who want to give
their two cents worth about what happened.

"well, they had to be drinking!"

"who goes out boating after dark?"

"well, why weren't they wearing lifejackets?"

That's why it's called an ACCIDENT, you morons.
Cause it's not supposed to happen.
No one ever goes out on a boat thinking:

"I know! We'll put ourselves in danger
and then we'll drown!! It'll be fun!"

It angers me how quickly we are to judge
when something like this happens.
We all know what should have happened
to prevent this tragedy, 
but it didn't, and the man is dead.
Why bring any more suffering
to his poor family
and the friend who searched
for 30 minutes in the water for him?
They lost someone they loved
and this beautiful place
will forever haunt them.
Is that not enough?

I went for a walk there the other day
and saw this one lone flower...
and I thought of him.

 Then I picked up this book again...

and read this...

Funny how the same questions
have different meaning now...

I had ordered new cards from MOO
and they came in as the helicopters
searched overhead...
it made me sad
when i noticed my ocean paintings.
I can be overly sensitive about my surroundings,
so I usually try to paint or sketch something
as soon as i can,
to put the pain on paper
rather than keep it in my heart.

I started this painting thinking of water,
and ocean, and waves, and nighttime... 
(it's acrylic on paper)

Not sure where I was going with the pink,
but I just let it go where it wanted to go.

Added a bit of white...
still not sure if it's anything 
other than abstract.

Then I flipped it over
and saw a dragon and someone flying
and a moon and water and a heart...

These are closer to the real colours..

taken in daylight.

Looking at it this way just feels 

less scary to me.

Why a dragon would feel less scary,

I'm not sure.  ;)

I'm not sure if i mentioned anything in my last post,

but I'm working on a little something

with a few other artists

that we'll be sharing with you all soon.

I am thrilled to be contributing

to such a fun project

and I know that many of you

will be happy to

color along with me very soon!

(Yes, that's a little hint for you.)

As soon as I get the ok to share,

I will.

Hang tight.

In the meantime,

you might wanna

sharpen your color pencils!

xx

This is how excited I am: