Speed Stick and poetry for mom...

may came home with a smooth round stone

as small as a world and as large as alone.

- e.e. cummings 

Things have been a little cookoo here lately.

My husband works away and in the past week,

came home and left again

for another little while.

Several days ago, my son left for a trip to Mexico

- a dream vacation for any teenager -

and March came and went, it seems

with the blink of an eye.

I feel out of sorts when creative routines are disrupted

and yet...

i sometimes need the break,

away from the computer

away from the art room.

(did she really SAY that?!)

Yes. She did. ;-)

So i walked

and read

and worked

and listened to good music

and had coffee with friends

and pondered life...

i sketched a bit,

but nothing much

and a few days ago,

i found this gem of a book

at the used book store

It is a rather fine line
between genius and creativity sometimes...

I also wrote a bit.

It's been over four months
since the loss of my mother
and it sometimes feels
like it was just yesterday.

Here's what i wrote
after one of my morning walks...

i hate remembering

mom being so sick

as we drove home from her chemo treatments

she with the car seat pulled back

resting quietly,

eyes closed and

hand on her heart...

i love that i was there with her

holding her hand

in the end

i hate how her diagnosis

led her to self doubt

and questions

and blame for what she

should have done

and didn't do.

i love that we got to spend

two extra years together

after she had been told

she only had a few months to live.

i hate that cancer robbed her

of her body

of her hair

of her strength

of her energy

of her appetite.

i love that it never robbed her

of her will to live

nor did it ever take away

the sparkle in her eyes.

i hate that her life was cut short

when she still had

so much life left in her.

i love that i had her for this long

when so many people out there

lose their mothers when they are children.

i hate that her leaving

forced my father to fend for himself

to make his meals

to clean the house

to be alone

to mourn the loss

and that it left an emptiness

in the house and in our hearts

that can never be filled again.

i love that i had her for a mother

and that the lessons she taught me

are now being passed on

to my own son

with deep love

and a tinge of sadness…

mom with Fluffy...

xox

Illustration Friday, taxes and the magic of Sharpies

Illustration Friday: SWIMMING.

you just know i'm gonna find a way to include dots in there, right?

I'm squeezing this one in again.

i seem to be on the tail end all the time... ;-)

(digital illustration)

a great little package i got in the mail yesterday...
Something i ordered from ETSY.
Organic Lip Bliss.

They kinda look like little cigars. (giggle)
I thought the packaging was adorable with the flying bird
and just wanted to share.

a little painting i did a while ago...

as a reminder of how boring life could be.

Tax time here in Canada.

Now THIS takes courage.

At least for me. Gathering receipts and invoices is like pulling teeth for me.

Hate it.

So i put some really good music on, some really good coffee on,

and i dive in.

This reminds me that no matter how much fun i have painting,

how much fun it is to write, and read, and go for meditative walks...

i don't live in la la land

and i still have bills to pay.

There are still lots of things about my day

that i really dislike. (ok, hate).

I've just managed to keep them at a minimum

and i make sure to pepper my day

with a lots of good stuff too.

I think we make choices all the time

about whether or not we let things weigh us down.

lord knows we all have reasons to be weighed down sometimes...

 (Sharpie and collage on paper)

this was fun to do last night...

 it actually made me forget about my yucky taxes. (giggle)

Can you tell i look forward to spring at this point?
xox

Linking this to Illustration Friday. 
Check out some of the cool illustrations there...

saying yes to the voices in your head...

hey Munchkins.

remember this?

it was sitting on my easel for months...

I knew it wasn't finished,

but i wasn't inspired to finish it

until this past weekend.

So it's official.

Painting makes me happy.

(like i didn't already know this)

If i go more than a few days without picking up a paintbrush

or a pen and paper (to write or doodle)

i go insane.

Art is the connection i need

to feel grounded

to what's around me

and what's inside me.

Art and wine.

(giggle)...

It doesn't mean it always makes sense,

but i am at least connected to it,

whereas when i don't make art

or when i am not writing,

i feel a disconnection to everything.

I am positive many of you know

what i am talking about...

and that many of you

feel the same way.

I discovered something while painting this...

that i am getting more and more comfortable

with being an introvert

and trying less and less to fit in.

That i am getting better with painting

what i feel like painting

as opposed to what i think

others want to see,

even if i know it may not make sense

to everyone.

I'm getting far more comfortable with saying no

to the outer voices and the inner ones.

Years ago, i said yes to many things,

and then regretted my decision...

Life is too short for regrets.

Now i say no - gently -

and with a peaceful heart,

and i keep painting...

I had so much fun painting this.

It's all about finding our own happy place, isn't it?

whatever brings a smile to your face...

whatever makes your day brighter -

whether it takes an hour or 10 minutes...

do that.

You may not get the chance to do it tomorrow.

xox

And a little video for you on the FUN THEORY!