flight of the recently departed...

Death is a strange thing...

Sometimes, i think of mom and feel

like she's still there.

Like she's just gone somewhere for a little while

and she'll be back.

Sometimes, i hear a song on the radio

and my heart finds its way to my throat

and i feel like i'm gonna choke from sadness.

Sometimes, I realize she's gone for good

and i feel grateful that we had

so many wonderful years together. 

Sometimes, i feel ok,

and then i feel guilty for not feeling worse.

Everything is intertwined

with a fragile ribbon

of sadness.

Months ago, when mom was out of the hospital and doing well,

i bought this print from the wonderful Jeannie Paske.

Some things just speak to us, 

for whatever reason. 

I love it more today than when i bought it.

It's called Flight of the recently departed

and for me, it expressed so clearly

what it feels like to lose someone we love.

I remember people at the funeral telling me

that she was now

in a better place,

or that she was now

an angel in heaven

and rather than comfort me

it would annoy me

that people claimed these things

with such confidence

without really knowing.

I know they meant well,

but they just don't know,

and so instead, why not just say:

"we loved your mother and we'll miss her"?

I don't understand why so many of us

feel compelled to know 

what happens after death.

I know she was here for 74 years.

With me. With us.

That's good enough for me.

And so today is a mindless kinda day...

With our first snowstorm in progress outside,

i'll be tackling this mess

and getting things a little organized again.

At least that's the plan. 

Unless someone shows up with a bottle of wine.

Then the whole thing is put on hold.

I'm just saying. ;-)

xox