Death is a strange thing...
Sometimes, i think of mom and feel
like she's still there.
Like she's just gone somewhere for a little while
and she'll be back.
Sometimes, i hear a song on the radio
and my heart finds its way to my throat
and i feel like i'm gonna choke from sadness.
Sometimes, I realize she's gone for good
and i feel grateful that we had
so many wonderful years together.
Sometimes, i feel ok,
and then i feel guilty for not feeling worse.
Everything is intertwined
with a fragile ribbon
Months ago, when mom was out of the hospital and doing well,
i bought this print from the wonderful Jeannie Paske.
Some things just speak to us,
for whatever reason.
I love it more today than when i bought it.
It's called Flight of the recently departed
and for me, it expressed so clearly
what it feels like to lose someone we love.
I remember people at the funeral telling me
that she was now
in a better place,
or that she was now
an angel in heaven
and rather than comfort me
it would annoy me
that people claimed these things
with such confidence
without really knowing.
I know they meant well,
but they just don't know,
and so instead, why not just say:
"we loved your mother and we'll miss her"?
I don't understand why so many of us
feel compelled to know
what happens after death.
I know she was here for 74 years.
With me. With us.
That's good enough for me.
And so today is a mindless kinda day...
With our first snowstorm in progress outside,
i'll be tackling this mess
and getting things a little organized again.
At least that's the plan.
Unless someone shows up with a bottle of wine.
Then the whole thing is put on hold.
I'm just saying. ;-)