Monday, December 10, 2012

flight of the recently departed...

Death is a strange thing...

Sometimes, i think of mom and feel
like she's still there.

Like she's just gone somewhere for a little while
and she'll be back.

Sometimes, i hear a song on the radio
and my heart finds its way to my throat
and i feel like i'm gonna choke from sadness.

Sometimes, I realize she's gone for good
and i feel grateful that we had
so many wonderful years together. 

Sometimes, i feel ok,
and then i feel guilty for not feeling worse.

Everything is intertwined
with a fragile ribbon
of sadness.

Months ago, when mom was out of the hospital and doing well,
i bought this print from the wonderful Jeannie Paske.

Some things just speak to us, 
for whatever reason. 

I love it more today than when i bought it.

It's called Flight of the recently departed
and for me, it expressed so clearly
what it feels like to lose someone we love.

I remember people at the funeral telling me
that she was now
in a better place,

or that she was now
an angel in heaven

and rather than comfort me
it would annoy me
that people claimed these things
with such confidence
without really knowing.

I know they meant well,
but they just don't know,
and so instead, why not just say:
"we loved your mother and we'll miss her"?

I don't understand why so many of us
feel compelled to know 
what happens after death.

I know she was here for 74 years.
With me. With us.

That's good enough for me.

And so today is a mindless kinda day...

With our first snowstorm in progress outside,
i'll be tackling this mess

and getting things a little organized again.

At least that's the plan. 

Unless someone shows up with a bottle of wine.

Then the whole thing is put on hold.

I'm just saying. ;-)


  1. This is exquisite, Pauline. A gem. A treasure. And, well, so timely...

    While our paths aren't the same Right Now, I have been feeling similarly about 2 important women in my Life, my grandmother, Moosie, and a dear friend, Sally.

    Moosie's been gone awhile yet many times a day I feel her here. And Sally, she's just gone, in May, and I sometimes wonder if she knows how much I cherished her BEing part of my Life from when I was tiny...

    I don't have any wine on hand, but if I could I'd go pick us up a bottle and ride my magic carpet up your way to see the snow and give you a BIG HUG!!!


  2. This may sound nutty, but my mum still talks to me, particularly if I am ill. In fact she and two long passed friends all support me in illnesses. This is probably even stranger, because although I have beliefs, I do not believe in an afterlife. Your posts always help me, especially just now. Thank you, Pauline.

  3. I don't believe in a better place, we have to live our lives the best we can here each and every day :).

    My step-son would have celebrated his 21st birthday today. Always in my thoughts.

    Stay inspired!

  4. I never thought there was more either....until.......just wait for the untils.......

    You always inspire me!! I love that piece of art and feel the exact same way about it...

    Wishing you a bottle of good wine and a bit of wonder....

    Hugs Giggles

  5. OMG! That print is absolutely stunning in what it says without words. I can see why you love it more now.
    Just takes time. Feel it all. *hugs*

  6. funny how you say when people say she's in a better place...I remember when pépére died, people would ask how old he was!!! That didn't matter...that would piss me off! When it's your parent, doesn't matter how old they are, so I understand why you would be upset when people would make that statement!

    We will most definitely miss her :o(

    But I do love this always speak right from the heart...tell it like it is!!! I love that about you! And that print, I love it!

  7. People do mean to be kind and it is what people have often said...but we don't know,do we?

    After my mum died, just like you, I remembered the wonderful years and still when I think of her it is about who she was and the things she did that still make me smile.

    She always thought that she may have a place in heaven, but I am vey skeptical.
    Lovely art!!

  8. My Mom has been gone since the end of July and I still can't quite believe it. We didn't live in the same city but I spoke with her on the telephone almost every day. So many times each day I think of something I can tell her and then that stabbing remembering hits.

    Your post is lovely.

  9. Dear Pauline, you are going through so much emotion wise, you have to just go with the flow of it all, but take comfort in all that you love, keep enjoying all the little pleasures, be kind to yourself and sometimes cry or all just takes time, all those wonderful memories you have of your mother will always be there, how great to have had such a great person in your life, that in itself is to be cherished!

  10. Hi Pauline, I feel a differentnsort of connection with you these past 24 hours, than I did before. I rushed my Mom to the hospital in an ambulance, yesterday. She does have pneumonia...but doctors are finding the things that unfortunately led to it...I feel such overwhelming sadness. Seeing her in pain, seeing her frail. I am thinking of you, always. You and your Mom had such a close bond here...I feel that love of yours and it helps to ground me. One day at a time... Hugs, kath

  11. I love your honest, heartfelt words. I wish I lived closer, I would totally show up with a bottle of wine.

    Sending you hugs from afar,


  12. Thank you all.
    Currie: i LOVE magic carpet rides! ;-)
    Jez: i love you even more now that you shared this. xox
    Michelle: you remind me that we are never alone in our pain. xox
    Giggles: you give me hope. Always. xox
    Rita: great advice, to feel it all. Thank you.
    ma tante Sylvia: i love you too. :-)
    Sue: Your words reassured me. xox
    Andrea: i know exactly what you mean. Sorry for your loss too... xox
    Kat: those are very wise words... thank you. xox
    Kathy: i'll be sending you an email soon... so sorry to hear this. I hope you find strength. xox
    Stéphanie... and i would SO welcome you in!! XOX

  13. I 'm glad I saw this post because i needed to read what you said about what people said and what you wished they said. I'll remember that.
    The print you bought is exquisite.
    How emotional.
    Thanks for sharing,