Thursday, February 28, 2013

put a little love in your heart...

I used to think that i could love everyone
(just like jesus and mother teresa!)

and that everyone deserved to be loved.

(acrylic and colored pencils on paper)

I used to think this was my life purpose.

To love everyone in my path, no matter what.

A flower child.

Then life happened.

I read about the Holocaust.

I learned about slavery.

I saw the Killing Fields

and Mississippi Burning

and Mahatma Ghandi…

I heard about the Beslan school massacre in 2004
and couldn't believe what was happening...

Then there were other school shootings.

And rape victims in India.

And Apartheid in Africa.

And injustice in Tibet.

I worked in the prison system
and met men who killed children
just for fun.

And then i began to realize
that I would not be able to love everyone in my path,
and that was ok.

Some days, i would be lucky to get through the day
without punching someone in the face -
let alone "love them". ;-)

With each story i heard,
with each year that passed,
with each job i held,
my circle of "people to love" was reduced
from world
to country
to city
to family
and eventually - to me.

Which is where it should have started
in the first place
but you don't know this when you're 14. :-)

I eventually understood
that there was more to life than loving everyone.

I eventually understood
that some things - i would never understand. 
(pen and watercolor on paper)

I'm ok with this now -
that i am able to love some
and not others.

That in order for me to make the best of ME,
I need to surround myself with people
who inspire me and make me feel good,
and I need to keep my distance from others.

That with some people
my heart is open
and with others
it is guarded.

Some people are easy to love.

Others - not so much.

(me at 14)
Maybe eventually,
i'll work my way up to loving the whole world again. ;-)

Who knows.

I'm told miracles happen.


  1. I suppose it's important to learn to incorporate both wisdom and compassion in our daily lives, to balance the ability to emphasise with others against the ability to discern and recognise people with harmful intentions.

    Don't lose sight of the light, especially in the midst of darkness. :-)

  2. Oh wow, so much bitter reality here!!Very powerful honest post!! Seems we are on the same page this week!!

    Love your artwork fun and beautiful!! We do the best we can with what we have, and what we know!!

    Love your vintage photo...I remember those jeans well!! Pretty girl!!

    Thanks for always being so authentic with your thoughts!

    Hugs Giggles

  3. I couldn't agree with you more! Your thoughts are true and honest, as always! That's how life is,and I guess we learn to keep the balance as we go on in life.
    Pauline, it's been a pleasure visiting you. Lots of good thoughts to you from a friend!

  4. so heartmoving reading and looking through your find those wonderful words to discribe what so many people feel ;) yes I want my 14 year old I love the whole world back too ;) Love your second painting alot!! xox Conny

  5. I've moved, Pauline, and I think I agree with you.
    you said at the beginning:
    (just like Jesus and Mother Teresa!)

    and it happens that we are not Jesus or Mother Teresa.

  6. Wow-za! you've blown me away.

    love this:
    when you got down to "me"
    and realized you should have started there.
    something deep in me said,
    this resonates very very deeply with me.
    Aren't we so wonderfully young and dumb about Life when we're young and dumb? :)

    i appreciated your words and the slow revealing of that wonderfully beautiful painting. the combo was striking.

    for me: i think loving yourself IS loving the whole's the most basic thing we can do in order to build everything else up.

    thanks for making me feel and think on this lovely friday.

    ~Be enchanted~
    A Magickal Meliss

    ps: don't forget, Jesus be tellin' some brothers off in his day! and even Mother T. got PMS (didn't she??) :)

  7. i really love this art girl. i wish i was that good :0. but alos your writing made me think a bit deeper about her is this you wishing you could unlearn al this evil? and be the young girl again?

  8. Pauline this is SOOOO powerful, vulnerable, intense, moving, personal and I believe you have said it for all of us (I am Jewish so the first speaks to me mega.) I have the same goal as you but sometimes it is so damn hard to be Christ! I feel I am trying to be the Divine Christ image and only ever 1/2 succeed at being the Humanity of that enough? I am so struck by what you said. so incredibly struck and moreso that you ended up with LOVE. you started with LOVE and ended up with LOVE. Can we ask for more...I think not. Again, I believe you said and painted it all for all of us. {LOVE} Samara Happy AIB