good guys vs bad guys

It's over when I say it's over.

- Walter White, Breaking Bad

I just don't know anymore.
I can't tell the difference
between the good guys
and the bad guys anymore. 
The line is blurred for me now.
It's far less obvious
than it used to be.
Maybe it never was 'clear' to begin with
but i was just too naive to notice.

A police officer in uniform
doesn't mean the same today as it used to.
Neither does a priest in robes,
or a homeless person in tattered clothing,
or a politician in an expensive suit.
I don't trust anyone at face value anymore.

I am skeptical now
especially of men in positions of authority,
because too many have abused their power.
I used to question everything,
and now, it seems I question everyone.

So yeah, i don't know.
I think if I can just put enough distance
between myself and the assholes,
i should be ok. 
(snort)...

I thought about this yesterday,
when I heard of Fidel Castro's death
and heard varying comments
from different people on the news.
To one person, he was a saviour.
To another person, he was evil.
He is the SAME person,
but everyone had their own opinion of him,
and their own reasons
for loving him or hating him.

20 years ago, when I gave birth to my son,
I remember several women warning me
about a certain male doctor at the hospital
and how they hoped he wouldn't be there
during my delivery - because he was "a nightmare".
And lo and behold,
who do I get during my delivery:

him.

But he was not a nightmare for me.
He was everything I expected a doctor should be:
professional, capable, caring...
and he helped me as I gave birth
to a beautiful healthy little boy
(who's now 20 and over 6 feet tall). :)

Moral of the story:

people are not always
who you expect them to be.

Especially when we base our opinion
on what others say about them.

So I've made a bit of art
over the past little while.
It's been a rough November,
so i'm kinda relieved that it's almost over.

I heard someone the other day say that
November is the cloudiest month of the year.
It's also kind of an "in-between" month, isn't it?

We lost mom in November (4 years ago now).
The golden leaves are gone from the trees.
It gets dark at about 5pm.
The snow is not yet here,
so there's no pretty white blanket on the ground.
Everything's gray.
The days are short.

With everything happening all around the world lately,
the words of Rosa Parks have deeper meaning than ever.
I will never understand racism
or bigotry
or homophobia
or sexism.

I will never understand so many things.

Maybe some questions
will just never have answers...

We are all sensitive to what goes on in the world,
but I tend to become overly sensitive sometimes.
I've learned throughout the years
that some things are not good for me:

listening to the news

staying inside too much
(not getting out in nature)

too much negativity

being in a crowd

too much social media

gossiping

watching too much TV

I've also learned that some things
are really good for me:

making art

writing

reading

travel

walking in nature

coffee (or wine!) with a good friend

good music

ice cream

pizza :)

So I try as much as I can

to avoid the things that don't work for me -

and focus on the things that DO.

Of course sometimes I'm in a crowded mall,

or with someone negative,

and although I don't like it,

I don't explode into a million tiny pieces ;)

But as much as I can,

I do what brings me joy

in the course of a day

because if I don't do it for myself,

who will?

Wishing you all

tiny moments of joy in your day

because it's the tiny moments

that really count.

xo

we are ONE world

Where to begin...

I wanted to write something last week

but the heaviness enveloped me 

and none of the words in my head

made any sense.

Like many around the world,

my heart felt like lead in my chest.

I am only now beginning to breathe again.

The election results.

The death of Leonard Cohen.

Remembrance Day.

My heart shattered for so many people.

Those in the US who now fear

that their lives will change

drastically.

That families will be torn apart.

Millions of people now know that

millions of other people don’t want them there.

And as if that isn't heavy enough on its own,
they also know 
that the president of their own country
feels the same way
so that makes it ok
in the eyes of many. 

All I could think of the next morning

as I heard the results,

were the Jews in Nazi Germany in 1939

and how they were also made to feel

unwanted,

different,

less than.

How it all began

with the separation of "us" vs "them".

I think if we all knew more about history,

we would understand the gravity of the words:

let us not repeat the past.

I don’t fear Trump

but i do fear the monster he awoke.

He threw gasoline in the fire

and gave racism and sexism and bigotry

and the KKK

front row seats to the shit show.

(why the KKK is still a thing in the USA is beyond me.)

And now, both sides will clash

with venom and judgement and death

and the physical walls will mean less in time

than the walls being built 

in the hearts of a nation.

Nothing good ever comes from division.
We are ONE world.

Clearly, there is still so much racism and sexism

and fear of those who are different,

lingering in the shadows of the world.

Only now, they’re not so much in the shadows.

There are people 

who were born and raised in the USA

who no longer feel safe there -

who no longer feel like it’s home.

Those who voted for Trump

may not consider themselves racists or homophobes

but they consciously chose a man who is

and who built his entire platform

on fear and hatred

and dividing a nation

rather than unifying it.

But this was still ok.

A protest vote,

to stick it to the government,

even if it meant

putting other lives in the crossfire.

On Remembrance Day,

there were comments on social media

expressing gratitude to all veterans,

for what they sacrificed for our freedom,

and I wondered...

are we really grateful?

Can we really say "thanks for the freedom"

and then go on disliking those
who are different than we are?

Would we not be better to express thanks

by trying to understand one another

and treat each other as equals for a change,

regardless of race, gender or religious views?

I wonder why it’s still so difficult

for so many people

to work together

and see our similarities

instead of our differences.

Thanks for being here.

Wherever you are in the world,

know that YOU MATTER

and that love matters.

Now let the healing begin.

xox

when things don't work out

hello Munchkins!

ok, so let's start at the start. :)

I feel like I'm all over the place lately.

Sometimes, I have nothing to share,

and other times,

i have too much. 

This is one of those times,

so make yourself comfortable

and if you leave here before the end of this post,

i'll totally understand and even forgive you. :)

Many of you know that dad stayed with us for a while
after he fell and broke 5 ribs a little over a month ago.
This is his dog, Fluffy.

Dad would put a blanket on her
when he'd go to bed at night,
in case she was cold. :)
Adorable.

After about a week with us,

and dad using the walker around the house,

I took him to a little park nearby, 

to practice walking with the walker outside.

He didn't do so well. hehhehee...

This is my dad (in red) and his brother Hervé.

Dad is 81 & Hervé is about 75.

My uncle Hervé is ill - in the early stages of Alzheimer's

and he was also diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.

I love that considering everything,

they are both still making the most of life.

And I love this photo of them.

It's easy to smile when life is good

but it's those who can still smile when life is hard

that I admire most.

Yes, I've made some art!

This is a quick pastel sketch of the photo below.

A few weeks ago, we went to St. Martin's,

a beautiful spot about 2 hours from here,

filled with hiking trails & picnic stops

and breathtaking scenery.

I'll be sharing some photos later,

but for now - here's a little sample of the beauty.

I spent the whole day there with friends

and once again,

I was reminded that beauty is often found

right here at home.

A quick sketch of the news on TV,

(something I purposely don't watch regularly.)

This morning, it was raining when I woke up.

Is there anything better than a rainy Saturday?

Well, maybe a rainy Sunday.

The idea of staying inside in comfy clothing

(for me, it's yoga pants, a Tshirt and flip flops)

and doing whatever my little heart desires.

In this case - painting.

So I started the day with coffee,

and then the collage above.

Then I put paint tape around a page

and started playing with acrylic on paper...

Took the tape off a while later,

hated what i saw.

No matter how i looked at it,

i just saw the face of an alien.

So I thought I'd change it up.

Added white - now I saw a goat.

Or at least an animal.

Added a few little elements here & there

and it still wasn't working for me.

I was having a hard time this morning

finding my 'zone'...

Some days are like that.

You gotta move on.

You gotta get past that.

Sometimes things flow

and sometimes they don't.

So I had leftover blue paint

from the sheep/mountain goat painting

(and you know i can't leave leftover paint)

so i quickly painted this background

in my journal page.

Just 2 blues and white.

This one felt a little better,

but still - not quite.

Then i flipped it over

and saw this Phantom of the Opera angry face,

and it freaked me out,

so i thought I'd move on to something else.

(Groove, groove, where art thou

on a rainy Saturday morning?)

So I switched mediums.

Got my pen, my little "draw your life" sketchbook

and sketched a few of my favorite pens.

Easy peasy.

No scary faces here. LOL.

I have a ton of other favorite pens

but decided to just draw a few.

I stayed in the blue room for at least 3 hours.
It was strange - I felt the need to paint,
but almost everything I attempted felt wrong.
I KNOW! There IS no wrong in painting!
But i just felt like something was off.

 Even when I attempted this with acrylic paints
and a piece of leftover cardboard hanging around...

It began as an abstract
but ended up looking like this.
I liked it a LITTLE more than the other stuff
but not much more.
I do like this part though.
The part that makes it look like a rooster.
Anyway - painting is a strange thing.
Sometimes, you can paint something
that feels exactly like YOU. Like your vision of something.
And other times, you paint something
and when you look at it, you might think:
"Wow. Where the hell did THAT come from?"
Or at least that's how it is for me.

I still felt like I had more painting to do,
so i grabbed my little 'draw your life' book
and flipped to the first empty page.

Draw the first thing you see.
I had my coffee cup nearby,
so i painted the cup (still leftover blue) :)
and then i had a brain fart
and actually misspelled the word COFFEE! LOL!!

I spelled it COFFEY!
So as soon as i realized it,
I laughed and just thought,
"oh what the fuck, here we go"...
and then I had to paint the eye on the cup
because that would just make everything ok.
(giggle)...
You know how when you imagine things a certain way,
and they just don't work out that way?
Yeah, that's what it was like this morning.
But still - it was a lovely morning!
When I came out of my blue room 3+ hours later,
I didn't feel like I had wasted one second.
Even if i didn't like what i had done -
i liked that i had done it.

On that note, I want to share a few photos here
of the Mount Allison University campus in Sackville, NB.
Isn't it beautiful?
My son and I went to an Open House there last week.
Alex graduated high school a few years ago
and is still considering his 'career' options.

This is the Fine Art building.

Such a beautiful campus,
it makes me consider going to university. :)

I am a sucker for doors.
LOVE them.
Those that open and even those that close. :)

 I love that there's so much green everywhere.

And this beautiful tree

got a hug from me!

Thanks for being here.

I hope life's been good to you.

xox