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Does anything in nature despair except man?

An animal with a foot caught in a trap does not seem to despair. It is too busy trying to survive. It is all closed in, to a kind of still, intense waiting. Is this a key? Keep busy with survival. Imitate the trees. Learn to lose in order to recover, and remember that nothing stays the same for long, not even pain, psychic pain. Sit it out. Let it all pass. Let it go.

- May Sarton, Journal of a Solitude

When I lost my job as a senior graphic designer

almost 10 years ago now,

it forced me into life’s deep questions.

why did this happen to me?

how could they do this?

where do I go now?

I wrote a lot

to try and appease the anger.

I cried.

I met with friends

who kindly reminded me

that I had so much going for me

despite this loss.

Friends who told me

that this may indeed

be a good thing, somehow,

and that there may be a light

at the end of the tunnel.

I made art.

I wrote more.

i considered my options

and then got angry again

at being forced into this new life

of financial instability

and insecurity

and fear.

The anger came in waves,

along with the hurt

and the relief

and the sadness

and the worry.

I was bitter

and swore that I would never work

for a large corporation

EVER. AGAIN.

I would find myself

another way to make a living.

I no longer knew

if I even wanted to continue being

a graphic designer.

This is what happens

when we experience change –

especially when the change

is not our choice.

We question everything,

including ourselves.

And through those questions

we often discover

our own truths.

Months later, I began to realize

that losing my job didn’t define me.

My reaction defined me.

How I chose to deal with it defined me.

I could wallow in my sorrow for years

and slowly disintegrate –

or I could put on my big girl panties

and get on with my life.

With MY life.

I slowly found my bearings again

and I began to discover

a sense of wonder for the world.

A deeper gratitude

for the simple things,

like a good book,

or chicken noodle soup in a beautiful cup...

 ...or rainy days.

I scattered my eggs

in different baskets,

and found a balance

between graphic design

and illustration

and office work

and painting

and writing

that allowed me to make a living.

To make a life.

I make less money,

but have more time.

I have less financial stability

but have more freedom.

I buy less things

but I lack nothing.

I love Mondays.

The idea of doing the same thing for 25 years,

all for the sake of yearly 5 star vacations

and a pension plan

makes me wanna shoot myself in the face.

I do not live my life for tomorrow,

because i have known too many people

who have not made it to tomorrow.

My friends were right.

Losing my job was a good thing.

(even if it felt like the opposite at the time!)

For those of you out there

who are going through difficult times…

take courage.

Trust that there are better days ahead.

Eventually, slowly, carefully,

the scattered pieces will mend themselves together again

and although your life will never be the same

it can still be a good, good life.