Sunday, January 12, 2014

one, tiny, subtle, insect step at a time...


Dripping water hollows out stone,
not through force but through persistence.
- Ovid


hello everyone!
First things first: i hope to be making art (and blogging!)
a little more often than i have been in the past weeks.
And i can't wait to use these Sharpies... ;-)

Lots of adjusting after the holidays, don't you find?
I'm always happy to get back to routine
but it takes me a little while to get there.

I've started work again (outside the home)
for another 3 months.
Breathe in... breathe out... :-)
I always feel a bit like a fish out of water
in such a stiff and systemized environment
but it's temporary, and it allows me the freedom
to be creative for the rest of the time,
and at night, and on weekends. ;-)
How can that NOT be good?
I've come to the conclusion
that if doing other work for a few months in the year
allows me room to breathe and frees my heart from financial worry -
then dammit - i'm in.
And nope, i don't feel like i'm selling out.

I work my ass off to make a living as an artist
but maybe i don't need to
when there are so many other options out there.

For the longest time,
i was holding on to the notion
that i needed to be an artist 100% of the time.
Otherwise, i was not a real artist.
I needed to be in a job where i made art 100% of the time.
I needed to sell my art. All the time. Successfully.
I needed to make a good living as an artist.
And this job also had to fulfill me in every way.
And that i had to be passionate about it.
Fucking recipe for disaster or what...

Note to self: fear and worry about finances kills creativity.
Another note to self: comparing myself to others kills ME.
So even if i wanted all these things,
they weren't happening.
This wasn't my reality.
Actually, my expectations were hurting my art.
Hindering my creativity.
So now, my expectations have changed.
Doesn't mean i've lowered my bar,
just means i've found a way to make it work for me
without sacrificing so much of myself.

And then i read this and it made me smile:
Sometimes, we just need to adjust things
to make our lives feel more like a reflection of who we are.
Happiness happens daily.
Little by little.
Like the dripping water that hollows out stone,
we do little things every day, 
every month,
every year,
to remove the yuckiness in our lives
and bring in the yummy-ness. :-)

Quit a job.
Leave a husband.
Move into a smaller home (or bigger home).
Wear different clothing.
Make new friends.
Learn a new language.
Read different books.
Be open to change
and be ready to embrace
what comes your way.
Let go of fear.
Forgive someone...

So here i am,
slowly surrounding myself again
with things that help me breathe.
Books.
Paints.
TED talks.
Memories.
Quiet morning coffee.
Candles.
Walks.

Do YOU know what helps you breathe easier?
That's my wish for you this week.
To find one thing that makes your life better
even if only in a small, subtle way -
and to do that one thing.

Happy Sunday!
xox

ps: the book pages are from this book:

11 comments:

Michellem said...

Great post, Pauline!! I, for one, never doubt for a minute that you are an artist. Too bad we are harder on ourselves than others are on us! Lots of things to think about in this post - can't wait to see what amazing things those Sharpie pens produce. Your VW is amazing!!

Tam Hess said...

Good for you! Finding balance is key...you are looking in the right places :) Really inspiring information. I especially like that Turner couldn't draw people, me either. hehehe Love your yellow bug.

Happy PPF!

Giggles said...

Wow you always come back in such a big and powerful way! I ALWAYS miss your writing...you have book or three in your my dear!!

Love the volkswagon...my parents had the blue one.... in the 60's we camped with a one wheel trailer...yes you heard that right!!

I like your green one better!

Thanks for always sharing with such passion! I always find joy in small things!!

Hugs Giggles

Mandy van Goeije said...

Good luck on the job tomorrow!!! I so recognize your story...in many ways. I hope that despite the tight system of work, it gives you some sort of fulfillment that in turn you can use in your art...

Zue said...


Your lovely drawing reminds me of one we used to have many years ago.
I think ..ignore everybody and sing in your own voice are very appropriate.
Have a good week
X

Myriam Kozik said...

It's been such pleasure to have come across your blog last year. Your writing is inspiring to me. Maybe because I can relate in so many ways. I am still trying to settle into my own skin and finding what works for me. Thanks for sharing this entry.

Nicole Beadwright Campanella said...

Hmmmm always thought you were an artist. Yes we much find balance in all things and sometimes we forget that. I alway look forward to seeing your art.
Nicole/Beadwright

Heather Foust said...

Great Post Pauline! You are an artist in many ways! Writing and drawing.

kat said...

Hello Pauline! It's been great reading up on your musings and doings...I always enjoy your art and words, wishing you all the best for this New Year!
Hugs
Kat xx

Christine said...

congrats on being featured in PPF! Nice work!

Christine said...

congrats on being featured in PPF! Nice work!