snow, snow, go away...

oh, the SNOW!

we're getting hit with another storm today.
More like a blizzard actually.
Schools, universities, colleges - all closed.
No work for me either,
since the roads aren't even cleared yet
and it's 3pm as i write this...

Most of us are happy to see the snow at Christmas time...

everything is so pretty and white and clean and crisp...

a winter wonderland.

Then after a couple of months,

by early February,

we start looking forward to spring,

and by the time mid March rolls along, 

it's become a blanket of white crap

and most everyone becomes desperate

for warmer days and the buzzing of bees. ;-)

Still - i love storm days.

The chance to sleep in,

to read, to paint, to play,

the chance to stay in our PJs all day long,

and drink hot chocolate & chat...

and sketch things that i feel like sketching...

 even if they make very little sense...

 and take very little time...

i try now and then
to do more 'messy' paintings or sketches
but they always end up
far more polished than i'd like.

it's very difficult to let go of control,
isn't it?

to let go of expectations...
of WANTING something to turn out
this way or that way.

and mostly... to appreciate where it ends up

even if it wasn't at all

where we intended it to go.

This past Sunday afternoon,

i nearly had a heart attack

when my computer froze

while i was downloading an upgrade.

Then the monitor went black.

I unplugged, plugged in again.

Nothing.

I rebooted.

Nothing.

i tried reinstalling things.

Nothing.

I tried all my fancy tricks, but still, nothing.

Finally, it restarted, 

but when my screen came on,

there was NOTHING on my desktop

(and i mean nothing)

except the background.

The icons were gone,

my projects,

my art,

my book,

my photos....

omg, my photos.

Photos of mom,

photos of my son...

omg...

i literally felt sick to my stomach.

I called a technician,

explained what i was doing at the time of the crash,

and he confirmed my fear (based on what i had told him)

that all the data was gone

and that nothing (including the photos)

would be salvageable.

me to me:

why did i not back up my work??

what the fuck was i thinking?

why wasn't i backing up my photos?

fucking idiot...

i can't believe i did that.

why would i do that??!

I tried (in vain) from 3pm to 10pm

to get things going again - but nothing worked.

I went to bed with such a heavy heart

thinking of all that was lost.

The work i'd need to re-do.

The art i had scanned before giving away the originals.

The book i was writing.

emails i had saved.

i barely slept that night,

trying to put things into perspective

and tell myself that it was not the end of the world.

But in a strange way

i felt like it WAS the end of part of my world...

like i had lost some of my history,

and so, some of myself.

(crazy, i know)...

Then the next morning, on Monday,

i woke up, resigned to the fact

that everything was gone

and before going to work,

i tried turning on the computer

one more time,

just in case some of the icons 

would have returned,

by some magic spell during the night.

and then...

one by one,

my icons showed up on the desktop.

My work.

My art.

My writing.

My photos... of mom...

I rushed to the phone to try and reach my nephew again,

(who happens to be a genius with technology...) ;-)

and lo & behold, he was there

and he walked me through what i needed to do

to make sure everything was the way it should be,

and before i knew it,

I had my old desktop back

and i was back in business, baby.

Do i need to tell you

how quickly i did a backup,

of EVERYTHING?

A backup extraordinaire,

of everything,

including photos.

especially photos.

Of all the things i thought were gone,

the ones that caused me most grief

during that long sleepless night,

were my photos and the writings.

Do you backup your work, your art, your stuff?

DO IT.

You'll save yourself some grief

if (or when) things go sour... ;-)

take it from me.

Wishing you all

a great weekend ahead.

xx

Hallelujah, by Leonard Cohen