A day in the life of you

hello everyone.

I've probably already told you this,
but i LOVE this quote by Anaïs Nin.

I said no to an office job a few weeks ago
because i felt that saying 'yes' 
would keep me tight in a bud.

So now, let's blossom!
:)

I've done nothing different this week
than any other week,
but somehow, it feels lighter.

I know it has everything to do
with my decision not to return
to an office environment.

I feel less frustrated.
I feel less afraid.
I feel more focused.
Even if I still have no idea
how this is all gonna work out (financially).
I'm proud of myself
for having dared to go
a little further than before.

For having stepped outside of
the goddamn box for a change.

We fill ourselves with fear sometimes
for absolutely no reason.
If this doesn't pan out for me,
and I'm not able to make at least
a bit of money by teaching e-courses,
I'll do something else.

Simple.

My art changes, depending on how I feel
and over the past while, 
I've been doing a lot more 'illustrated journaling'
than actual painting.
Maybe because this feels like
the beginning of a new story for me.

Friends of mine went on a 3 week trip 
to Europe about a month ago
and brought me back a few nice surprises.
(hint: Belgian chocolate was involved). ;)
Merci Aline & Renée!
In 20 years from now,
the memory of these little surprises
may be long gone from my mind (or at least murky)
so I did this little collage,
not to forget.
Plus, it's so much fun to do!

This is why I love illustrated journals/collage so much.

It's *a day in the life*

and sometimes, when I look back

at some things I did from years ago,

I remember it as if it were yesterday.

It's not important that the art be perfect.

It's not important that it makes sense

to everyone.

Just to you.

It's not a masterpiece.

It's a day in your life

that you may look back on

with more fondness than you think

in 5 or 10 or 20 years from now.

It doesn't need to be a day

filled with activity & outings.

Sometimes, the simple days

are the best.

Thanks for hanging out with me.

Have a great long weekend!

xo

the shackles are gone...

hello friends!

A lot has happened this week,

but it's been more about internal shifts

than anything external.

Although an external decision had to be made

in order for the internal to change and feel lighter. 

:)

I had a decision to make this week

that I've been putting off for years now.

I've been going back to an office job

on a part time basis for about 4 years.

It worked for me in the beginning,

but hasn't worked for me in a while

and I knew a decision had to be made eventually.

I just kept putting it off.

I doodled about it.
I wrote about it.
I journaled and painted
and thought about it.

Circumstances and life choices sometimes
force us to make decisions based on
what's necessary at the time,
rather than what we want.
Based on what our MIND wants
rather than what our heart wants.
The best decisions are always those
made from the heart, for the heart.

So this week,
when I got the phone call,
I said no.

I made the decision to say no to something

that was no longer fulfilling me,

so that I could say YES

to something that does.

And I am ecstatic.

I literally felt a shift within me
as soon as I got off the phone
that brought me back to that quiet place within
that we so often forget is there is along.

Especially when things get antsy and rushed
and chaotic and crazy.

I feel such a sense of relief.
The floodgates have now opened
for bigger and better things.
Making room for the e-course I want to teach.
Making room for art and books and writing.
Making room for so many projects
I've had on the back burner,
because of that dreaded phone call
I knew would come, asking me to return.

It wasn't easy to say no to this job
but it felt necessary to say no.

Do you ever feel that way about something?

Like you KNOW with every bone in your body
what you should do,
but you do the opposite,
because it's what normal people do.

Because it's what's expected of you.

Because you have bills to pay.

Because you're afraid.

Because you just HAVE to, otherwise,
people would think you've lost your mind.

I chose to listen to myself this time.
I know many people who will think
HAS SHE LOST HER MIND?
But the few people who matter to me
are already proud of my decision,
even if there are still so many unknowns.
The few people I care about
are happy for me already.
Those are the only ones
I'm listening to these days. :)

How can I preach about courage
if I am not courageous myself?
How can I teach others
to listen to that quiet space within them
if I don't do it myself?

Already, I feel a 200lb weight
lifted from my shoulders,
and I feel more hopeful about tomorrow
than I've felt in a long time.
I feel energized and inspired
and full of so many ideas
that I cannot wait to share with all of you.

The 1st sign of having made
the right decision.

I'll keep you all posted as I go along.

Who knows... I may be crying in my beer by next week,

but I doubt it.

It all feels too right to be wrong.

I'll close with this... it cracked me up,

probably because we now have

a furry little addition in the family too -

although not quite as white as this one. :)

are we there yet?

hello world.

I’ve been thinking a lot about women lately.

About us.

About my mom.

And my grandmother…

I’ve been thinking about how far we’ve come

and how far we still have to go.

Since Trump became POTUS,

I’ve become far more cynical,

far less trusting,

far more awake,

far more determined

to take my place in this world

and to speak against injustice.

I’ve also become more angry.

But it’s a good kind of anger.

(yes, there is such a thing).

Years ago, in my early 20’s,

I bought myself a car -

an Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme.

Kinda like this one.

Does this look like the kind of car

a young, 5' woman

would want to drive?

No. I didn't think so either.

I was so proud of the fact

that I was making my own payments

and that eventually,

the car would be mine.

But more than anything,

I knew my dad would love the car,

so in reality - I bought the car partly to please him.

We had an outdoor gathering that summer,

and after I had parked the car there,

with my then boyfriend in the passenger seat,

I stepped out of the car,

and heard an older woman there ask me:

“why are you driving instead of your boyfriend?”

The question sounded so strange to me.

Why is he not driving?

Um, maybe because it’s MY FUCKING CAR?

(I didn't actually say this, but I thought it)

Why would I NOT be driving my own car?

She was from a generation of women

who gave their husbands the wheel

in more ways than one,

so seeing a man in the passenger seat

and a woman driving

made no sense to her.

She was from a generation of women

who let their husbands take charge

and they (the women) were expected

to sit quietly on the sidelines.

This whole Trump thing got me thinking

about how often women are dismissed

as ‘less important’ than men.

It got me thinking about how often

so many of us put up and shut up

rather than stand up and speak out.

It got me thinking about how often

I had to fend off comments of a sexual nature

from my “bosses” in the workplace

when I was in my early 20’s.

It got me thinking about why so many women

keep rape to themselves.

Why would they say anything,

when history has shown,

time and time again,

that the victim becomes the accused,

because she was wearing a skimpy skirt,

or because she drank too much,

or because she was asking for it,

and the accused is so often set free?

Then I saw the movie Maudie in theatres

a few weekends ago, and again,

I thought about how many women

had learned to stand in the shadows

of their husbands -

because they were taught to believe

that they belonged there.

They were taught to believe

that they themselves had no right

to stand in their own light.

And how this feeling of being treated

as less than another

gave birth to stronger women,

with soaring spirits,

and determined minds,

and a relentless and persistent

quest for truth and fairness.

This whole Trump thing has made me 

more of a feminist than ever before.

In a good way. :)

This is my grandmother (mom's mother).

Eva Doiron.

A colored pencil drawing I did of her years ago.

She raised 13 children

while she kept the home

and baked bread & cookies early in the morning.

She loved conversation and politics.

She may have dreamed of a different life,

but this is the one she lived.

And she did so with a smile on her face

and lots of love in her heart,

especially for children and the poor.

I'm willing to bet it wasn't always easy for her either.

And on that note, I'll leave you

with the trailer for another strong woman:

Maudie.