good guys vs bad guys

It's over when I say it's over.

- Walter White, Breaking Bad

I just don't know anymore.
I can't tell the difference
between the good guys
and the bad guys anymore. 
The line is blurred for me now.
It's far less obvious
than it used to be.
Maybe it never was 'clear' to begin with
but i was just too naive to notice.

A police officer in uniform
doesn't mean the same today as it used to.
Neither does a priest in robes,
or a homeless person in tattered clothing,
or a politician in an expensive suit.
I don't trust anyone at face value anymore.

I am skeptical now
especially of men in positions of authority,
because too many have abused their power.
I used to question everything,
and now, it seems I question everyone.

So yeah, i don't know.
I think if I can just put enough distance
between myself and the assholes,
i should be ok. 
(snort)...

I thought about this yesterday,
when I heard of Fidel Castro's death
and heard varying comments
from different people on the news.
To one person, he was a saviour.
To another person, he was evil.
He is the SAME person,
but everyone had their own opinion of him,
and their own reasons
for loving him or hating him.

20 years ago, when I gave birth to my son,
I remember several women warning me
about a certain male doctor at the hospital
and how they hoped he wouldn't be there
during my delivery - because he was "a nightmare".
And lo and behold,
who do I get during my delivery:

him.

But he was not a nightmare for me.
He was everything I expected a doctor should be:
professional, capable, caring...
and he helped me as I gave birth
to a beautiful healthy little boy
(who's now 20 and over 6 feet tall). :)

Moral of the story:

people are not always
who you expect them to be.

Especially when we base our opinion
on what others say about them.

So I've made a bit of art
over the past little while.
It's been a rough November,
so i'm kinda relieved that it's almost over.

I heard someone the other day say that
November is the cloudiest month of the year.
It's also kind of an "in-between" month, isn't it?

We lost mom in November (4 years ago now).
The golden leaves are gone from the trees.
It gets dark at about 5pm.
The snow is not yet here,
so there's no pretty white blanket on the ground.
Everything's gray.
The days are short.

With everything happening all around the world lately,
the words of Rosa Parks have deeper meaning than ever.
I will never understand racism
or bigotry
or homophobia
or sexism.

I will never understand so many things.

Maybe some questions
will just never have answers...

We are all sensitive to what goes on in the world,
but I tend to become overly sensitive sometimes.
I've learned throughout the years
that some things are not good for me:

listening to the news

staying inside too much
(not getting out in nature)

too much negativity

being in a crowd

too much social media

gossiping

watching too much TV

I've also learned that some things
are really good for me:

making art

writing

reading

travel

walking in nature

coffee (or wine!) with a good friend

good music

ice cream

pizza :)

So I try as much as I can

to avoid the things that don't work for me -

and focus on the things that DO.

Of course sometimes I'm in a crowded mall,

or with someone negative,

and although I don't like it,

I don't explode into a million tiny pieces ;)

But as much as I can,

I do what brings me joy

in the course of a day

because if I don't do it for myself,

who will?

Wishing you all

tiny moments of joy in your day

because it's the tiny moments

that really count.

xo