Friday, January 29, 2016

blue skies

I am loving this winter
compared to the last!
- Pauline Leger :)
I took this photo just the other day
on my afternoon walk.
Can you see the second sun there? 
When I took the photo, 
i was blinded by the sun in my face
so i didn't notice anything else in the sky...
but who knows? 
Maybe it's a reflection of something in the lens,
or maybe it's another planet.
Either way, it's beautiful.
This (below) is a photo of our front yard
taken a few days ago.
..and this is the same view,
taken at about the same time last year!!
Ask me why i was so often down in the dumps.

(the snowplow, trying to clear our road last year. Yes, that was the ROAD)

I found last winter so difficult
(for more reasons than one)
and i wonder how you all put up
with my ranting & complaining all the time?

The main issue for me last year was this:
I worked at a job that i grew to hate.
It's a strong word, I know.

I tried to like it, i honestly did.
I tried to understand my co-workers.

I tried to take the advice of some people,
to just go in, do your job, and come home
but i just couldn't do it.
(my friends told me to not go back) :) 
The frustration stayed with me.
And my reasons for staying?
I had said YES.
I needed to work.
The money was good.
It was close to home.
It was only a 5 month contract.
Eventually though,
i started to notice a difference in me.
A difference I didn't like.
I was more often sick.
I would often wake with headaches.
I was losing patience 
far more often than i normally would.
I didn't want to see my friends much.
Everyone annoyed me
and everything just felt heavy.
Some would say that's just menopause -
and maybe some would be right... 
but i know it was more than that.
It was something deeper.
(and no, it wasn't depression)
So I finished my 5 month term
and i told myself I would never work again
in such a negative environment,
regardless of the money.
It may not be negative for everyone,
but it was negative for me.
Imagine putting an free spirited artist
(who is not interested in material wealth)
to work at Wall Street.
Yeah, it was kinda like that. 
And I say all of this because
i met with my doctor a few weeks ago
for a routine check up,
and the first thing she said was:
Wow. You look so much better
than the last time i saw you.
I told her about my decision
to stay away from work that drains me
and my starting a gratitude journal again,
and going outside whenever I can...
First, she said she was so happy for me.
Then she said:
i know a few things about you...
I know that you can't stand injustice & greed

I know you love art & making work that matters

and I know you're an introvert...

So how did you ever make the decision
to even apply for this job?
she asked with a smile on her face.
(she's a good doctor and she knows me well) :)
We all do things we don't wanna do sometimes.
That's life.
Very few people love their jobs all the time.
But deep down inside
when we are negatively affected
by the environment we are in,
we have to do everything in our power
to remove ourselves from that environment.
Deep down inside,
we all know what's good and what's bad for us.
So I let go.
I decided I wasn't going back to the same thing this year.
Letting go was exactly what I needed.
I am in such a better place now.
Letting go of expectations.
From others and myself.
Letting go of the idea that
I need to make a ton of money.
(Again, we need far less than we think.)
I'm happy for those who reach their financial goals
but if my goals are different (if i don't want the BMW)
then my LIFE will be different too.
Let go of society's definition of success.
Do your OWN thing.
If you work at a donut shop with fun people,
and you get up in the morning
and you're happy to go to work -
you are living a good life!
If you love crafts
and you work at a craft shop with fun people,
you are successful!
There are people who make $75,000/year
and who 'burn out' on a regular basis.
That is NOT my definition of a good life.
And speaking of a good life,
whenever i see photos on-line of someone's work space
i'm usually in awe of how clean it all looks.
Of course, we all know things aren't always as they SEEM.
Everything in its place.
Everything organized and tidy.
Not a speck of dust anywhere.
Well. 
Let's just say that's not me. ;)
This is part of my workspace
and it's on a good day.
With crap on every inch of the table...
and lots of stuff on the floor too!
Fluffy with a bad hair day.
We all have our bad hair days, right?
So we also have our bad/messy art table/floor days.
Blue skies...all the way.
Just for you.
Thanks for being here!
Have a great weekend everyone!
xx

18 comments:

  1. I love Ginger,too ;) Thank you for the honest and encouraging words and have a beautiful weekend and happy PPF...

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    1. thank you for visiting ariane! :) Mmmmm..... ginger..... ;)

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  2. nice photos and art, luv your ginger sketch

    Happy PPF

    much love...

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    1. thank you Gillena! Happy weekend to you. xx

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  3. Awww, Fluffy is adorable! I love your ginger drawing, it is beautiful. Your nail polish is a color I have in that brand and your art is so lovely! I'm glad you're in a happier space now.

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    1. thanks Lisa Isabella... yeah, Fluffy is dad's dog. She pretty much runs the house. ;) Have a great weekend! xx

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  4. This is a great post. I don't know you (this is my first visit) but I agree with you about jobs and such. I'm not driven my money as so many people are. Yes, I need a certain amount to live but beyond that as long as I'm safe, not hungry, and have art supplies I'm happy. I enjoyed seeing your sketches and your work space. Mine is messy all the time!

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    1. I meant...I'm not driven BY money!

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    2. thanks for your first time visit Janet! I am so with you on the money thing. I think many artists feel the same way. As long as we have art supplies & food, we're ok! ;) Have a great weekend! xx

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  5. What a wonderful post. Truly inspirational. I love how real you are. I really love your artwork and also really like what you have written. Your work space is cozy and your puppy so cute! Working at a job that makes a person unhappy is very hard. I'm happy you are doing what you love. Have a lovely weekend! Happy PPF!

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  6. what a very honest, inspirational and strong post! I have been in a job like yours and have gone through the same experiences too so I completely understand. Hubby and I are not driven so much by the money either. It has always been to have enough to support our little family and I think we are much happier than some friends who work, work, work to have many luxuries.
    Sweet pup! Love your illustrations and glad you are in a much better space - with less snow:)

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  7. Pauline,
    I am so happy for you! You are right about everything you mentioned. I don't like my job every day, but most days it is pretty gratifying. My desk is never dust free and every centimetre usually has something on it as I am creating with things on the floor too!

    You do seem way happier. It was easy to "put up" with your rants last year because you were expressing how many of us were feeling too about many things!

    It is a relief that Winter has been more kind to you this year. That would be a lot to take two years in a row!

    Thank you for sharing your art and thoughts with us! I love how you showed the yellow paint on the canvas in the first photo and then in the next, showed it all covering the canvas and the word yes! That was powerful! I always enjoy your diverse art work!
    Peace to you this year!

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  8. What a great post. Glad you found a better way.

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  9. i wish i had your strength. during the day, i design restaurants for other people who have no idea what they are doing. its creatively deafening when you spend 8 hours a day in that spot - BUT it does inspired me to work on my other job.... and the health insurance is really good....

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  10. Oh my, I read this early but was called away...Again a powerful post! Many never find their gifts, instead fill the void chasing money. However it's a lot easier to create when you have fiscal security behind you. It's also a lot easier to want less when your void is filled with creative energy! I am amazed at all the artwork you accomplished recently, all gorgeous! Have you ever thought of setting up a few video art classes that are affordable to the masses? We could all learn so much from your expertise!! Thanks for sharing yourself so candidly!

    Hugs Giggles

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  11. Great photos, wonderful art but my favorite is the ginger. Well done!

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  12. LOVE all the images. There is something so interesting to see a person's interpretation of common object. Being a writer of course I adore the book. As for the two suns, there is a part of me that wishes that was true! xo

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  13. Firstly, I so love that you quoted your own self at the top there. :) Also, your doctor sounds lovely. And I can't relate to tidy workspaces/studios either. So happy you're feeling better! And I join the ranks of those who say, don't go back to that job dude. xx

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