Onward and upward

Is this not a fun bottle of wine?

Got it as a Christmas gift.

Haven't opened it yet,
so it may taste like crap, who knows.

But I don't care,

cause it's got ART ON IT!

 I'll be saving this one for sure.

A bit of doodling last night
while I watched TV.

Watched something called Sole Survivors.

About sole survivors of plane crashes.

There was one man in particular

who was having such a hard time

with survivor's guilt.

He felt like he was just wasting his life

doing nothing

while all these other people on the plane with him

had died.

Their lives had ended

and his had continued

and he couldn't get over the feeling

that he was wasting his time.

Don't we all feel like that sometimes?

I do and i'm not a sole survivor of anything!

But we don't need to be incredibly accomplished

to have value in our lives, do we?

There is profound value

in being a good mother.

A good father.

In being a good friend.

In not being prejudice.

In spreading love as much as we can,

or at least, not spreading hate.

In being grateful for the simple things.

I believe there is HUGE value

in a simple life.

We don't all need to be presidents and astronauts.

Some of us need to be garbage collectors,
or secretaries,
or waiters or stay at home moms.
And others (like me)
need to be part time office workers.
Tomorrow, I begin a new job
and for the next 5 months or so,
i'll be sitting in a gray cubicle again,
shuffling papers & answering phones.
About 2 years ago,
right after mom died
I decided I needed to get myself a job
outside of the house.
I had been self employed as a graphic designer
for about 10 years (at home)
and I needed a change.
I needed something totally different.
Out of my element.
I felt like I was stuck in the mud.
I no longer loved what I was doing at home
and as much as I still needed a paycheque,
I also needed a drastic shift
in what I was doing for work.

Well - I got what I wanted.
Not sure it's a good change, but I got it.
I got an office job where I was well paid,
8 hrs a day, 5 days a week,
about 5 months a year.
So now I get called back every few months
for this gray cubicle job,
where I mostly feel like a fish out of water.
But I get a steady paycheque.
I sell them 8 hours of my day
and they give me money in return.
Some would say it's a great thing,
because it's a JOB.
And maybe I should feel the same,
but I don't.
Just thinking about going in to work tomorrow
makes me want to poke my eye out with a pen.
I am already thinking about plan B
but for now,
I will make the best of Plan A.
And the REASON I AM SHARING THIS
is because so many of us think that
everyone else "has it together".
Everyone else seems to have figured out
how to make that 6 figure salary,
or how to find their dream job
and wake up every morning to the sound
of twinkling harp and sparkling waterfalls.
That's not reality for most of us.
Many of us are doing work
that is not fulfilling.
That is not connected to who we really are.
Some of us are doing work that we hate.
But we do it anyway
because we need to pay the bills.
Because that's what grownups do.
Because society says
THIS is a normal job - not that.
And sometimes,
some of us do all the right things
to get to where we want to be in life,
but for some reason,
we are not there yet.
So we carry on 
despite the boredom
despite the disappointments
and we continue on our path
even if it makes no sense to anyone else
but ourselves.
The important thing is to carry on.
To persevere.
To practice patience.

The handwriting (photo) above is something
I wrote about 3 or 4 years ago,
when I was trying to figure out
why I was having such a hard time
carving myself a life as an artist.
A life that would sustain me financially.
When I look at the list now,
I feel sad and proud at the same time.

Here it is, in case you couldn't read my writing:

What did I do right?
 
1.             Practiced my ART every day. (writing and painting)

2.             Sent my writings to magazines – got rejected.

3.             Sent to more magazines + got rejected again.

4.             Surrounded myself with inspirational people.

5.             Read ALL the right books about courage + perseverance.

6.             Avoided the naysayers + negative people in my life.

7.             Spent a lot of time in nature.

8.             Shared my art with the world (blogging)

9.             Put my ART for sale on Etsy.

10.         Put my ART in galleries.

11.         illustrated children’s books – a success – until the publishing house decided to call it quits.

12.         Kept painting – even when I sold nothing.

13.         Kept a journal – several journals!

14.         Took on-line classes to further my skills.

15.         Took on-line classes to connect with others.

16.         Gave paintings away as gifts.

17.         Learned from others who are doing what I want to do. (making a living

with ART).

18.         Teach part-time classes (in Art) at the college.

19.         Offer ART classes to women in my community.

20.         Read books about inspiring women.
 
What I did WRONG?     
 
1.             Not believe in myself.