turquoise abstract and choices

Even the knowledge of my own fallibility cannot keep me

from making mistakes. Only when I fall do I get up again.

Vincent Van Gogh

All hell broke loose in the studio last night... ;-)

I wanted to use just these four colors,

and it all started here.

I have never felt so unsure

during the painting process

as i did last night.

Maybe it's the mugginess.

Yeah, let's blame that. 

;-)

I wanted an abstract,

one that didn't look like anything,

and when I immediately saw a bird here,

i changed it...

To this...

then i saw a flower...

so i changed it.

To this. 

Then i not only still saw the flower and leaves,

but i saw a turquoise lobster claw.

Yup. Definitely muggy in here.

So I turned it over on its side

and I don't know what the hell i saw

but i knew i didn't like it.

So i turned it over again

and decided i'd paint a close up of hair

or wiggly worms...

(not really, but that's what it looked like to me)

I added beige to this little guy on the left,

poking his head out to see what all the commotion was about...

As if beige would transform this whole painting

into a masterpiece.

;-)

And then I wet my brush

and painted over the whole mess

and while the paint was wet,

I used paper towel to dab the extra paint off

and leave a nice texture on the canvas.

I used the plastic knife to create lines...

(i still wasn't sure where this was going)

and then - flowers.

Boring to me

at least when i do them.

So i guess my planned abstract painting

didn't want to be abstract after all.

For the record, i don't like this.

Maybe i'm not done with it.

I'll look at it again tonight,

when i feel a little less scattered.

I added little pink and white dots

cause dots just always make things better.

Still not good

even with my trusty little dots.

I took this pic this morning.

Much better lighting than last night

so you can see the colors more accurately.

I wanted to post this to show

that the creative process is not always easy

and smooth

and sometimes, in the end,

we just don't like what we've created

and that's ok.

Someone else may like it (or not)

but I don't have to like everything i paint.

Sometimes you just know you made a mistake
to paint over or change a certain step during the process.
But that step is gone
and you just have to let it go.

You can try and repaint it
but you know it'll never be the same.

Regardless of how accomplished you are as an artist,

during the process itself, 

there are almost always moments

of frustration and doubt.

And yet, having a crappy painting

is still better than no painting at all.

:-)

Having the courage to begin and end something creative

is far better than leaving this creativity unexpressed.

Creating something -

anything

is better than not creating.

So there you have it.

Give yourself permission to make mistakes

and to not like everything you do.

But have the courage to make those mistakes.

xoxo