it's a little dark in here

Look at how a single candle can both defy and define the darkness.

- Anne Frank

hello Munchkins.

The world is a heavy place lately, isn't it?

I've been less consistent with blogging lately,
mainly because I've been too fucking heartbroken.

What do you say when all hell breaks loose?

Yes, I've been doing my best to stay on the light side of things
but holy shit, some days are hard.

The mass shootings,
the hurricanes,
the suffering...

I distance myself from it all now and then,
and then it all somehow comes back to me,
like gravitational pull.

Maybe that's what's meant to happen.
Maybe some things in life
are meant to anger us,
and move us 
towards the truth?

Towards our truth.

So the past months have been
give and take for me.

I've spent some days working hard,
and other days reading on the patio
with a good coffee.

And i'm ok with this.

Some days are meant to be
more productive than others.

I've felt so consumed by everything
that I barely knew how to process it.

Whenever I'd sit in my blue room to paint,
I'd often just sit there - for like 10 or 15 minutes...
before I'd decide to even pick up a brush,
or a pen, and just do something.

More often than not, it ended up being something like this:

But hey, I try to honor how I feel at the time.

It's been painful for me to learn 
that there are so many racists in the world.

It's been painful to learn
that some of them are my relatives.

It's been painful to learn
that there are homophobes
and chauvinists
and those who care very little
about the suffering of others.

So many of us fail to show compassion
when so many people in the world
are in desperate need
of love and understanding right now.

So yeah, maybe this is my 'blue period' in painting.

If Picasso had one, I can have one too. :)

Everything I've done lately 
seems to be just one or two toned.
Color doesn't feel right to me at this time.

When I feel like using more color again, I will.

And speaking of color - check out the beautiful tomatoes
from our little garden in the back yard.
We've been eating fresh veggies for months now.  

I'm also still in the throws of preparing my e-course.

At this point, I'm not setting a date.
Initially, it was going to be 6 weeks,
but I've now decided on 4 weeks.

It's been more work than I anticipated
but then, maybe that's because I am putting myself
under too much pressure for it to be perfect.

And I, of all people, know damn well that

perfection 

does

not 

exist.

Why do we do this to ourselves?

So I'm trying to get past my fears
and reassuring myself
that someone will get something out of it,
and that if ONE person finds the courage
to make art and express herself
and find her own voice,
it will have been worth it.

DAY 1

I joined Tara Leaver's 7 day series art challenge.
I thought I'd try to process some of my anger
by painting abstracts
because, well, it's healthier than keeping it
bottled up inside.

DAY 2

DAY 3

Here's a song I love by Amelia Curran,
from St. John's, Newfoundland, Canada.

I love her because she dares to be vulnerable,
she's an advocate for those with mental illness,
and she writes her own songs. 

Thanks for letting me
into your weekend space.
xo