my awakening

Something’s been happening lately,
and it’s a good kind of something.
For the past little while (weeks? months?),
I’ve been caught up in an unsettling wave of fear & anger.
I almost allowed myself to be swept away.

Irritating Donald Trump posts on FB.
Bad news on TV.
Overheard conversations in cafés
about politics or religion or
the depressing state of the world.

I almost got swept away

by the fear and the anger.

Or maybe i even did

for a little while.

But alas… I threw myself a life preserver. :)

I decided I was not going to let my life
be filled with such negativity.
Some days are easier than others, but
I decided that there were certain things
I would simply rather not know or see.

Getting myself all worked up
over things I cannot control
is of no worth to the world
and certainly of no use to me.
Anger & hatred & fear only spread
more anger & hatred & fear.

Nope.
Not how I choose to live my life.

I needed to get back to the basics.
I needed to get back to gratitude.
Back to my heart.

So I began a yoga practice again.
And it's the best decision
I've made in a long time.

I had done yoga years ago,
and over the years, drifted away from it.
I also tried Tai Chi and Qi Gong,
gentle practices that always bring me back
to the essence.

I’m doing it in the comfort of my own home,
by watching YouTube videos (Yoga with Adriene!)
and i love it.
No expensive gear necessary,
no fancy wardrobe,
and no one to impress. 

Yoga is great because not only is it affordable (or free!)
but you can do it anywhere with just a bit of space,
and practice can vary from 10 minutes to an hour. 
Who doesn’t have 10 minutes to spare
to improve their life?

You need YOURSELF.
That’s all.
Yourself - and a heart
that's ready to receive.

And if the word “yoga”
feels too much like exercise to you,
that’s ok…
just to sit yourself in a chair
and become conscious of your own breathing
for 5 or 10 minutes every day
will change the way you see the world.

The first few days were hard.
I could feel my bones cracking,
and the muscles in my body
practically panicking
after being in limbo for so long. ;)

But after only 3 or 4 days,
things got a little easier.
And after a week
I started to feel better.
Like I was able to breathe easier.
I could do things without so much effort.

After 2 weeks,
I was conscious of my breathing
even when i wasn’t on the mat.
When I was standing in line at the grocery store.
When I was waiting at the stop light.
And that’s what it’s all about, isn’t it?
If you start practicing yoga (or any other gentle practice)
you become more present.
Without wanting to sound too cliché,
I became more conscious of this one moment,
right here, right now.
The only moment that really ever matters.
I began to feel more peaceful.
More connected again.

It’s only been about a month
and I have to say
that I am surprised
at the difference I feel,
inside and out.
I am more flexible.
I used to wake up in the morning
with all kinds of cricks & cracks when i stretched.
There's very little of that now.
I can calm my heart in 2 minutes
just by doing a downward dog. ;)

I’m not gonna move to an ashram in India,
nor am I gonna change my name to Mala Shanti Moon. ;)
But I AM going to continue practicing yoga.
I still have so much to learn.
And it’s slowly bringing my body and soul
back on the path.
On MY path.

(dad in the 1960s, playing horseshoes)

There’s something about being on the mat,
with yourself - by yourself -
that forces you to look within
and although that can be scary for some people,
it’s necessary that you look within
if you want to hear your own whispers.
It’s necessary that you be ok
with where you are now in life -
even if it’s not where you thought you would be.

It’s necessary because it connects you
with gratitude.

Sometimes it takes a while 
for this connection to happen,
and sometimes we’re distracted
by the annoying noise around us -

but the answer to your well being

really does live within your own heart.
It can't be found anywhere external.
I am finally beginning
to understand this.

Thanks for being here.
I am grateful for all of you.
xox