Sunday, May 18, 2014

jumping without a parachute, but with wings

Hello everyone!
I have so much to share
that it almost feels overwhelming to even begin...
but here goes.
I just finished a fabulous 6 weeks
of Sketchbook Skool
an on-line klass filled with assignments from 6 incredible artists
and one of the most supportive communities ever.
So many good hearts out there.
For the past 6 months or so,
i've spent my time working at an office job.
My contract ended last week,
and since that time,
i've been slowly replenishing myself
with things that are closest to my heart again,
things that feel like ME...
like art
and writing
and reading
and connecting with the art community again,
with people like you,
who get where i'm coming from.
I have felt so lost and disconnected and fake
during the past 6 months in an office job,
that it has made me rethink everything about my life.
Why I keep taking on work that has no value for me...
why i keep calling myself a graphic designer,
when I no longer have the passion to pursue this profession...
why i still lack trust in spreading my own wings,
trust in my own words,
trust that everything will be ok.
I love this quote by Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche:
The bad news is you're falling through the air,
nothing to hang on to, no parachute.
The good news is there's no ground.
 This is how I am feeling lately...
like I am ready to jump without the parachute
and trust that my wings will take me where i need to go.
I've watched others do it,
and have felt envious.
I've read about those
who have changed their lives
in a way that allows them to live closer to their dreams,
and wished i could find the courage to do the same.
 ...and yet, i feel closer than ever before.
Thanks to beautiful souls like Susannah,
gently reminding me that you need not be 
a super hero nor a super god
to live a life that feels like YOURS.
thank you Susannah, 
for a book filled with so much beauty & meaning.
so for now,
my days are filled with writing and sketching...
and sketching...
and reading wonderful books...
and surrounding myself with beautiful inspiration...
and reminding myself that there are others out there
who have gone where i want to go,
and who have felt the same fear and doubt as I feel -
but went anyway
and oh, 
what a sad world it would be
if they hadn't dared to trust and jump.

thanks for being here with me.
xx

22 comments:

  1. Wow I almost hear a wounded voice from that last job...wow powerful. All three of those sketches are very very significant in my life!! The banana....for my daughter makes banana bread a few times a month to give away just as I used to...Beardo eats at least one or two a day since I've known him. Those converse....every single creative boy that has come through my house has had a pair of those looking just the same...I remember a time I hunted thrift stores for a size 11 or 12 for kids that stayed here! I found some too. Cupcake and Beardo now have them in every color and still wear them....and last that anirondack chair my dad built...and when I was three I lived all summer in two pushed together with pillows because I had pneumonia and wasn't allowed to run around but it was so hot my mom couldn't keep me in the house..I am also very particular about hands and feet TOO!! You need to frame the converse for your sons room....or market them for cards for boys... LOVE LOVE LOVE Them...and the banana! I am fascinated by Tommy Canes cross hatching!! Wonderful job and I hope you reinvent yourself the way you want it to be.... if only you knew the universe is on your side!!

    Big Hugs Giggles

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    1. thank you, for so many things... xx

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  2. Hi, Pauline, you remember when I told you, something like that even be in an office, you were preparing you for your future drawings?
    You will feel good, because something happened before, you can not move forward if there is not something, which you must leave behind, that's life, opening doors, because, other doors are closed
    Your happiness makes me happy, and I love that you're in the air and there is no ground below!

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    1. dearest Roberto... as always - such wise words.
      Thank you for the gentle reminders, and for being you. xx

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  3. These sketches are amazing!! Can't believe how attractive you can make a badly bruised banana look! Makes me want to run right into the kitchen and make banana bread! Seriously though - so happy that you are jumping - you are an inspiring and super talented artist and I can't wait to see where your leap takes you!!

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    1. thank you so much Michelle. You're one of my favourites. xx

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  4. So glad you are able to follow your dreams again. Working in a job that doesn't have your heart can be so disheartening. I love all of your sketches, that crosshatching is amazing and gives a really cool result. Hope to see more of you in the coming months ...

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    1. aaaah... following dreams....yes, I'll take that please! :-)

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  5. I love your sketches - all that crosshatching fascinates me. I've been noticing it in old illustrations and trying it out with limited success. I will check out Tommy Kane's book for additional info. Thanks so much for sharing.

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    1. the Tommy Kane book is fascinating! There are also several videos you can watch to help you with the cross hatching. Have fun practicing! xx

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  6. Pauline,

    I know how you are feeling. I am also at that point in my life when I am thinking there has to be something more that is more satisfying and less stressful than my current profession is giving me. I am so at piece when I am creating, and feel so bogged down with deadlines and curricula that is forced upon me.

    Your hatching is spectacular. It is amazing how little stokes, this way and that, can help a picture come alive!

    I sincerely wish that your wings will form and carry you to where you will feel happy and fulfilled!


    Happy creating to you!

    Renee

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    1. Thank you Renee... responsibilities suck, don't they? ;-)

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  7. I loved this post so much! Your sketches are fantastic and now I look forward to looking into that online class and those books.:)

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  8. Your sketches are awesome, Pauline!! I thoroughly enjoyed the Sketchbook Skool experience even though I'm still behind on homework. I found it all so inspiring. Tommy Kane's book is in transit to me and I can hardly wait to pore through the pages.

    What a great quote by Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche!

    I always feel uplifted by your posts. I think because, a lot of the time, I feel or can connect with what you're saying/feeling. Inspiring...thanks! xx

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    1. Serena, you made my day.
      Yes, i'm still behind on homework too, but it was so much fun, wasn't it? You're gonna LOVE Tommy Kane's book... have a great week! xx

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  9. Pauline!! I'm so glad you found me again. I left blogger a couple months ago, and have my own website now. I couldn't remember your blog link. I've been kicking myself for not adding you to my reader, but now I HAVE. I think you do wonderful work, and want to keep up with what you're doing.

    I had an office job for 2 years. I think I left half my soul behind when I quit.

    To quote Mary Oliver, what is it you want to do with your one wild and precious life, Pauline?

    Whatever just came to your mind, do THAT!! :)

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  10. Such a touching blog post Pauline. I love your sketches and drawings. Very inspirational. I feel like I'm on a turning point also... blessings to your way -Niina

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  11. Wow this is a post that touches the soul. Wonderful art too
    Nicole/Beadwright

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