good guys vs bad guys

It's over when I say it's over.

- Walter White, Breaking Bad

I just don't know anymore.
I can't tell the difference
between the good guys
and the bad guys anymore. 
The line is blurred for me now.
It's far less obvious
than it used to be.
Maybe it never was 'clear' to begin with
but i was just too naive to notice.

A police officer in uniform
doesn't mean the same today as it used to.
Neither does a priest in robes,
or a homeless person in tattered clothing,
or a politician in an expensive suit.
I don't trust anyone at face value anymore.

I am skeptical now
especially of men in positions of authority,
because too many have abused their power.
I used to question everything,
and now, it seems I question everyone.

So yeah, i don't know.
I think if I can just put enough distance
between myself and the assholes,
i should be ok. 
(snort)...

I thought about this yesterday,
when I heard of Fidel Castro's death
and heard varying comments
from different people on the news.
To one person, he was a saviour.
To another person, he was evil.
He is the SAME person,
but everyone had their own opinion of him,
and their own reasons
for loving him or hating him.

20 years ago, when I gave birth to my son,
I remember several women warning me
about a certain male doctor at the hospital
and how they hoped he wouldn't be there
during my delivery - because he was "a nightmare".
And lo and behold,
who do I get during my delivery:

him.

But he was not a nightmare for me.
He was everything I expected a doctor should be:
professional, capable, caring...
and he helped me as I gave birth
to a beautiful healthy little boy
(who's now 20 and over 6 feet tall). :)

Moral of the story:

people are not always
who you expect them to be.

Especially when we base our opinion
on what others say about them.

So I've made a bit of art
over the past little while.
It's been a rough November,
so i'm kinda relieved that it's almost over.

I heard someone the other day say that
November is the cloudiest month of the year.
It's also kind of an "in-between" month, isn't it?

We lost mom in November (4 years ago now).
The golden leaves are gone from the trees.
It gets dark at about 5pm.
The snow is not yet here,
so there's no pretty white blanket on the ground.
Everything's gray.
The days are short.

With everything happening all around the world lately,
the words of Rosa Parks have deeper meaning than ever.
I will never understand racism
or bigotry
or homophobia
or sexism.

I will never understand so many things.

Maybe some questions
will just never have answers...

We are all sensitive to what goes on in the world,
but I tend to become overly sensitive sometimes.
I've learned throughout the years
that some things are not good for me:

listening to the news

staying inside too much
(not getting out in nature)

too much negativity

being in a crowd

too much social media

gossiping

watching too much TV

I've also learned that some things
are really good for me:

making art

writing

reading

travel

walking in nature

coffee (or wine!) with a good friend

good music

ice cream

pizza :)

So I try as much as I can

to avoid the things that don't work for me -

and focus on the things that DO.

Of course sometimes I'm in a crowded mall,

or with someone negative,

and although I don't like it,

I don't explode into a million tiny pieces ;)

But as much as I can,

I do what brings me joy

in the course of a day

because if I don't do it for myself,

who will?

Wishing you all

tiny moments of joy in your day

because it's the tiny moments

that really count.

xo

we are ONE world

Where to begin...

I wanted to write something last week

but the heaviness enveloped me 

and none of the words in my head

made any sense.

Like many around the world,

my heart felt like lead in my chest.

I am only now beginning to breathe again.

The election results.

The death of Leonard Cohen.

Remembrance Day.

My heart shattered for so many people.

Those in the US who now fear

that their lives will change

drastically.

That families will be torn apart.

Millions of people now know that

millions of other people don’t want them there.

And as if that isn't heavy enough on its own,
they also know 
that the president of their own country
feels the same way
so that makes it ok
in the eyes of many. 

All I could think of the next morning

as I heard the results,

were the Jews in Nazi Germany in 1939

and how they were also made to feel

unwanted,

different,

less than.

How it all began

with the separation of "us" vs "them".

I think if we all knew more about history,

we would understand the gravity of the words:

let us not repeat the past.

I don’t fear Trump

but i do fear the monster he awoke.

He threw gasoline in the fire

and gave racism and sexism and bigotry

and the KKK

front row seats to the shit show.

(why the KKK is still a thing in the USA is beyond me.)

And now, both sides will clash

with venom and judgement and death

and the physical walls will mean less in time

than the walls being built 

in the hearts of a nation.

Nothing good ever comes from division.
We are ONE world.

Clearly, there is still so much racism and sexism

and fear of those who are different,

lingering in the shadows of the world.

Only now, they’re not so much in the shadows.

There are people 

who were born and raised in the USA

who no longer feel safe there -

who no longer feel like it’s home.

Those who voted for Trump

may not consider themselves racists or homophobes

but they consciously chose a man who is

and who built his entire platform

on fear and hatred

and dividing a nation

rather than unifying it.

But this was still ok.

A protest vote,

to stick it to the government,

even if it meant

putting other lives in the crossfire.

On Remembrance Day,

there were comments on social media

expressing gratitude to all veterans,

for what they sacrificed for our freedom,

and I wondered...

are we really grateful?

Can we really say "thanks for the freedom"

and then go on disliking those
who are different than we are?

Would we not be better to express thanks

by trying to understand one another

and treat each other as equals for a change,

regardless of race, gender or religious views?

I wonder why it’s still so difficult

for so many people

to work together

and see our similarities

instead of our differences.

Thanks for being here.

Wherever you are in the world,

know that YOU MATTER

and that love matters.

Now let the healing begin.

xox